


My Broken Angel

by Luciel89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demons, Frottage, Going to Hell, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Vessel Fic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciel89/pseuds/Luciel89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel disappears from his vessel, Dean is concerned. But when Castiel reappears and seems broken and seems to avoid him, Dean is close to heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Old fic, hope you enjoy it :)

Dean was sitting by the small table in the motel room eating a cheeseburger Sam had bought him from the nearby diner. Sam was sitting across from him at the table, laptop in front of him and eating his healthy sandwich while he shot Dean a glare. Dean didn't pay much attention to his brother's glare, but after a moment he got annoyed. "What?" Dean spat.  
  
"Dude, you're eating like a dog," Sam said, still glaring. "It's gross."  
  
"I'm hungry," Dean said defensively. Sam shook his head and looked back at the screen. "At least I'm not eating a hundred burgers like Cas did," he said after a while. Sam looked up again, lips forming an amused smile.  
  
"Yeah, like that's an excuse," he said. Dean snorted and started eating his second cheeseburger.  
  
"Talking about Cas eating burgers… How are you feeling?" Dean said after a while, shooting Sam a concerned look. Sam looked up and frowned, not understanding. "I mean, you spent three days on detox and just got out last night."  
  
"Oh. I'm fine," Sam said, clearly uncomfortable. "Nothing to worry about." Dean stared at Sam in disbelief before he shrugged and turned his attention back to his cheeseburger. But he was interrupted when his cell phone started ringing. Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance and took out his phone to see who was calling.  
  
"Who is it?" Sam asked. Dean looked at his phone in surprise.  
  
"It's Cas," he said. He picked up the call and said, "Hey, Cas, what's up?" Sam looked at him when Dean's expression turned to shock. "Jimmy? Wha… Err, sure, we'll be there in an hour." He hung up and looked at Sam, who stared at him in confusion. "It was Jimmy. He said Cas is gone. We gotta go now," Dean explained hastily as he grabbed his jacket and went to pack his stuff.  
  
"What happened?" Sam said in a concerned voice as he stood up.  
  
"No idea, but it can't be good," Dean said. He had a bad feeling about this, and he couldn't deny his concern for the angel. Castiel wouldn't just leave his vessel unless something had happened. Dean just hoped that it wasn't the angels that had found him.  
  


***

  
When they arrived at the warehouse Jimmy had told them to come to, they found him pacing around outside, looking nervous and lost. He looked up at the brothers in relief when they arrived. Sam and Dean hurried out of the car and ran over to Jimmy.  
  
"Oh thank god, I thought you'd never show up," Jimmy said when they ran over to him.  
  
"What the hell happened?" Dean blurted out.  
  
"I… I don't know, I don't remember," Jimmy said, shrugging helplessly. Dean sighed in frustration.  
  
"Okay, so what do you remember?" Sam asked, looking just as concerned as Dean.  
  
"I'm not sure… I remember having the feeling that Cas was frightened of something, or someone. And then, you know, just another flash of light and he was gone," Jimmy said. He suddenly frowned and looked concerned. "I swear I had the feeling that Cas was scared shitless just before he left me. I think he knew what was happening."  
  
"Cas was scared shitless?" Sam frowned in disbelief. He hadn't thought Cas could be that scared of anything.  
  
"Damnit," Dean cursed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "And you have no idea who he was fighting or where he went?" he asked Jimmy. Jimmy shook his head and apologized. This couldn't be happening, Dean thought. He was frustrated and angry at the man for not remembering anything, for not being able to help, but he knew it wasn't his fault. Cas had simply blocked out Jimmy while he was riding him, so it wasn't his fault that he couldn't remember.  
  
"Dean, we need to do something, we need to find him," Sam said.  
  
"I know," Dean hissed. He sighed; he hadn't meant to hiss at Sam. "Sorry", he murmured.  
  
"It's okay, I'm worried about him too," Sam said, understanding in his voice. Dean snorted and looked away. Sam turned to look at Jimmy, who had observed them in silence. "You should come with us. I'm afraid you still can't return to your family." Jimmy nodded and sighed, and followed them to the impala.  
  
They were all quiet in the Impala. Jimmy was sitting in the backseat, staring out the window into the darkness. Sam shot concerned looks at him every now and then. Dean had turned on the radio, breaking the awkward silence in the car. It surprised him how worried he was about the angel, even more worried than last time. Because last time he knew that Cas had been sent back home by the other angels, but this time he didn't know who had sent him away – or to where. The thought worried him even more and he absently sped up the car a little more.  
  
"Dude, you're gonna make us all crash," Sam said, as Dean was now driving a lot faster than allowed. Dean shot him a glare and sped down a little, just above the speed limit.  
  
"Happy now?" Dean said. Sam didn't answer; he just stared at Dean like he was trying to figure out what had gotten into him. Again, there was an awkward silence in the car.  
  


***

  
Over the next few days, they tried desperately to find out what had happened to Castiel and who had forced him from his vessel. Dean even considered summoning Zachariah to ask him, as they had come up with nothing, but Sam was against it. Bringing Zachariah into this would only cause more trouble. They had even brought Jimmy to a nearby psychic to see if she could make him remember anything, but that had failed too. Obviously he had not been conscious when it had all happened, so even his brain didn't know anything about it. So they were back to where they started again, and two weeks had already passed.  
  
Dean started pacing around in the motel room. Jimmy and Sam were sitting at the table by the window. Jimmy looked absently out the window, and Sam was reading the news paper online, while shooting glances at Dean every now and then. "Dude," Sam said. "Would you stop that? It's stressing me."  
  
"Well, it's stressing me even more that we aren't getting anywhere!" Dean snapped. Sam sighed. But then something on the screen caught his attention.  
  
"Hey, check this out," he said, catching Dean's and Jimmy's attentions. "Apparently a whole town was slaughtered in Nebraska five days ago. All that was left of their bodies was blood and a few limbs."  
  
"Sounds nice, but what does that have to do with Cas?" Dean asked impatiently.  
  
"It doesn't, but we're only one state away so I think we should check it out." Sam looked from Dean to Jimmy, who also seemed to find the idea of doing something else for a change quite appealing.  
  
"Dude, we don't have time for this! We need to—" but Dean was interrupted by Sam.  
  
"Dean, I think we all need to do something else," Sam said. "I think we should at least check it out. Who knows, maybe we'll stumble upon some clues about what happened to Cas." Dean didn't seem much interested, but he eventually gave in to Sam's idea, and they all left for Nebraska.  
  
Jimmy wasn't that silent anymore; he and Sam had had a lot of conversations together, and they seemed to have become friends. Dean had also gotten to know Jimmy a bit better, but he kept thinking of Cas every time he looked at him, so he usually avoided looking at him at all.  
  
They finally arrived in the town, and Dean parked the Impala so they could go out and look around. They split up, Jimmy going with Dean as he wasn't a hunter and shouldn't go alone. It annoyed Dean slightly that he ended up with Jimmy, but he didn't let it show.  
  
They walked around, looking for clues that could tell them what had happened in the town. Jimmy walked beside Dean, who still avoided looking at him. "Christ, this looks like a freakin' massacre," Dean said as they arrived in the centre of town. There was blood and guts all over the street and on the cars.  
  
"Oh god," said Jimmy, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at the sight of all the blood.  
  
"You're not gonna puke, are you?" Dean said with an amused smile.  
  
"No," Jimmy said, hand covering his mouth. "But the smell is awful."  
  
"I bet you'd smell the same if you had been ripped to pieces like that," Dean deadpanned, looking at all the blood and guts. Jimmy shot Dean a glare.  
  
"I was ripped to pieces once," he reminded him. Dean looked at Jimmy. He had almost forgotten that the man had been ripped to pieces by Raphael after Castiel had disobeyed and sent Dean to the convent to stop Sam.  
  
"Sorry, I forgot," Dean said, shifting uncomfortably.  
  
"'s okay," said Jimmy, clearly not happy being reminded what had happened.  
  
"Were you, you know… awake when it happened?" Dean asked, hoping he didn't go too far by asking.  
  
"Not really, Cas never let me stay awake much," Jimmy replied. "But I'm aware of what happened. The thought itself is more than uncomfortable." He bit his lip and looked to the ground. Dean felt sorry for the man.  
  
"Sorry, dude," Dean said, feeling guilty. "Kinda my fault… that you and Cas ended up getting blown to pieces like that."  
  
Jimmy looked at him. "He disobeyed for you, didn't he?" Dean looked at him in surprise, and Jimmy smiled. "I may not remember the things that happened while he was possessing me, but I still remember some of the feelings he felt. Though there weren't many – at least not to begin with. And I know he feels a strong connection to you, Dean. You mean a lot to him."  
  
Dean looked at the man with wide eyes, and then he blushed. "Yeah well, we're pretty good friends…" he said, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. Jimmy smirked.  
  
Dean was about to say something more when something caught his attention. There was a huge shadow moving along the wall in the alley next to them. Jimmy noticed it as well, and they ran after it, Dean calling for Sam, hoping his brother would hear him.  
  
They followed the shadow through the alleys, and Sam eventually found them and joined them. The shadow disappeared when they arrived at a warehouse. They sneaked inside and hid behind some boxes as they noticed people standing in the middle of the warehouse. They were talking, and the air smelled like sulphur – demons.  
  
The shadow appeared in the middle of the room and started to manifest itself. It turned into a big, black, ugly-looking creature, which Dean guessed was some kind of demonic monster.  
  
"Oh god," Sam whispered behind the boxes where they sat. "I think that thing is some kind of demonic creature that devours humans to gain strength."  
  
"What? That thing eats humans?" Dean said in disgust.  
  
"I've heard about them before," Sam continued. "They are some of the most feared and powerful creatures in hell. As far as I know, they need to feed on thousands of humans before they reach their full strength." Jimmy looked disgusted as he shifted behind the brothers. He wasn't used to all these supernatural creatures, so meeting a thing like this seriously creeped him out.  
  
"Oh great, at least now we know what happened to the town's people," Dean said, looking at the creature again with a disgusted face. "How do we kill it?" he looked back at Sam. Sam froze and stared back at Dean.  
  
"I… I have no idea," he admitted, shrinking a little. Dean rolled his eyes.  
  
The creature suddenly disappeared, and they were all caught off guard as the demons turned to look in their direction. They had found them. Dean and Sam quickly drew out their weapons, and Jimmy stayed behind the boxes. The demons came running at them, and the battle began.  
  
There were six demons, all of them pretty strong. Dean managed to take out two with the knife, and Sam tried a verbal exorcism on three others, while the last demon attacked Dean from behind and threw him against the pillar in the room. Sam managed to exorcise the three demons, and turned to help Dean, but he was thrown against the boxes instead.  
  
The demon was strong, probably stronger than Alastair was, and he grabbed Dean by his shirt and hurled him to his feet, pushing him against the pillar. "Winchesters," he said, smiling smugly. "I thought you'd come here. Can't hide anything from you guys."  
  
"Oh yeah, then why did you even bother doing whatever you're doing?" Dean spat, having a hard time moving being pressed up against the pillar.  
  
"Well, I guess I have my orders," the demon said simply. Sam tried to launch forward, but the demon waved his hand and he was thrown against the boxes again. Jimmy peeked out from behind the boxes to check on Sam. "Oh, lookie at that; the angel vessel. Should have killed him when I had the chance."  
  
Dean's eyes widened. "You know him?" The demon turned to look at him with a smug face. The realisation hit Dean and he thought he was about to burst from anger. "It was you. You forced Cas out of Jimmy!" he spat. The demon laughed.  
  
"Oh, c'mon, you're not angry at me for that, now, are you?" The demon said. "You should be angrier about where I sent him."  
  
Dean stared at the demon in shock. "Where'd you send him?" He already had the feeling he knew, but he asked anyway. The demon smirked.  
  
"I sent him on a little trip to hell," he said. Sam and Jimmy looked at each other in shock. "A very nasty part of hell, actually. You should have seen the look on his face when he realised where I was gonna send him. It was hilarious," the demon laughed.  
  
"Argh, you sick damn _bastard!_ " Dean shouted, his body trembling from anger and hatred towards the demon pinning him against the pillar.  
  
"Oh my, you sure care about him a lot, don't you, Dean?" the demon teased. Dean managed to place a hard kick between the demon's legs, and demon winced in pain. "You shouldn't have done that," he said, and then the hit Dean so hard he flew backwards and almost hit Sam before hitting the boxes and knocking them over.  
  
Sam stood up and attacked the demon, but before he could cut the demon with the knife, more demons came, and soon they were outnumbered. Sam was captured and held to the ground by two demons, while the others charged at Dean and Jimmy.  
  
But just before the demons could harm Dean or Jimmy, something seemed to appear. A strong light shined through the cracks in the ceiling and there was a piercing sound that made everyone drop to their knees and cover their ears. The demons growled in pain, and Sam crawled towards Dean as the two demons let go of him.  
  
Only Jimmy seemed unaffected by the piercing sound, and he stood up and stared around the room with widened eyes. The demons gave up and fled from their hosts, not being able to stand the piercing sound any longer. As soon as the demons were gone and the hosts dropped lifelessly to the ground, the sound stopped.  
  
"What the fuck…" Dean mumbled, as he stood up. To his relief neither his nor Sam's ears were bleeding, but it still hurt like hell. Dean and Sam exchanged looks before turning to Jimmy. "Jimmy…?" Dean asked, carefully approaching the man who stared wide eyed into the room.  
  
Jimmy finally turned to look at them. "It was Cas," he said.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean's eyes widened. "Cas? That was Cas?" He almost couldn't believe it.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure of it. I recognized his voice," Jimmy said.  
  
"Did he say anything?" Sam asked.  
  
"Not really," Jimmy said, looking at Sam. "I think he just made some noise to make the demons go away. He didn't really say anything—"  
  
"Is he okay?" Dean blurted out, interrupting Jimmy. Jimmy turned to look at Dean, concern in his eyes.  
  
"I'm not sure. I can feel his presence but… he doesn't seem to be feeling very well. I think something happened." And then Jimmy froze and looked like he was listening to something. Dean and Sam stared at him in confusion before they realised Cas was somehow speaking to him. Jimmy started nodding and replying to the unheard voice, and the brothers observed him with interest. Anyone else would have thought the man was a schizophrenic.  
  
Jimmy turned to look at Sam and Dean again. "He says he has to possess me again... I don't even like the thought of it, but rather me than Claire," he mumbled and looked away. Sam put a comforting hand on his shoulder, which Jimmy appreciated. Dean felt sorry for the guy.  
  
When Sam removed his hand from Jimmy's shoulder, Jimmy turned to smile at them. "Thanks for everything, guys," he said.  
  
"You're welcome," Sam said with a sad smile. Dean nodded, indicating he wanted to say the same as Sam.  
  
Jimmy gave a sad smile, and then he sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Okay, I'm ready, Castiel." A strong light appeared, forcing Sam and Dean to cover their eyes and look away for a moment. When they were able to look up again, they could see light shining through Jimmy's skin, eyes and mouth. Suddenly the light faded and Castiel collapsed, but was caught by Dean before he hit the ground.  
  
"Cas!" Dean said in concern. Sam came to support him as well. Castiel's eyes widened in shock and he quickly pulled away from the brothers.  
  
"Don't touch me," Cas said in a low voice. Dean and Sam looked at each other.  
  
"Uh, sorry," Dean said, staring at Cas in concern. Castiel seemed exhausted and tired, and when he was about to collapse again, Dean was ready to catch him, but Cas quickly flinched and stood straight again. Dean narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
"I'm fine," Castiel said.  
  
"You should probably get some rest," Sam said. "You look a bit—"  
  
"I said I'm fine," Cas cut him off, a bit more rudely than he intended to. He looked guilty when he realised how rude he sounded. He sighed and then he disappeared with a flapping of wings.  
  
Sam threw his hands up in a helpless gesture. "What's up with him?"  
  
"I don't know, " Dean said, staring at the spot Castiel just disappeared from. "I think Jimmy is right – something has happened."  
  
"Well, he went to hell just like you did, so maybe—" Sam said, but Dean cut him off.  
  
"The demon said he sent him to a 'nasty part' of hell. I don't think it's the same part I was in; I think the part he sent Cas to was even worse." Dean almost chocked on his words. He knew there were parts of hell that were even worse than the part he knew, and the thought of Castiel having been there unsettled him.  
  
Sam could see the concern in Dean's eyes, and put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. Dean looked up at him. "I think Cas just needs some time, Dean. I'm sure he'll be fine." He turned around to pick up the demon knife and headed for the exit. Dean reluctantly followed his brother out and headed for the Impala.  
  


***

  
They didn't see or hear anything from Castiel the next few days. Dean hoped that Cas just needed a few days to himself and would be fine afterwards, but he still couldn't help being concerned. For some reason it hurt him that Castiel didn't seem to want to talk to him about it. So all he could do was to wait for the angel to show up again.  
  
They soon found out that the monster they had encountered in the town in Nebraska was a demonic creature called an _Edo Abyssi_ , or _Hell Devourer_ in English. Another town seemed to have been attacked by it, leaving over 375 people dead. Dean and Sam knew they could try and kill it with the Colt, but the creature was gone by the time they arrived in the town. It always seemed one step ahead of them, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.  
  
Dean threw himself onto his motel bed. Sam had gone out to get some fresh air. The last few days had been hard and frustrating. He dozed off on his bed, still fully clothed and laying on top of his blanket.  
  
Suddenly his senses woke him up as he felt someone sitting next to him. He snapped his eyes open and quickly reached for his gun under his pillow, but when he looked back, the figure beside him was gone. He swore he heard feathers ruffling. "Cas?" Dean whispered, but received no answer from the dark empty room. He cursed under his breath and sat up; legs over the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed his face in his hands.  
  
Cas had been there, right next to him, watching him while he slept. And he had scared the angel off. It frustrated him even more that Cas hadn't woken him up; hadn't talked to him. He suddenly wondered how the angel knew where he was. The sigils on his ribs prevented the angel from locating him. Castiel must have kept an eye on them; otherwise he wouldn't know where they were. The thought made Dean smile, but it also broke his heart even more.  
  
Dean decided to go outside and get some fresh air like Sam. After he locked the motel room door, he turned to look at the Impala that was parked outside the room, when he saw Castiel leaning against the hood. "Cas?" Dean blurted out. Cas looked up at him. He looked like someone who hadn't slept for weeks, even though the angel didn't require sleep. His looks made Dean even more concerned.  
  
"Hello Dean," he said in his usual calm voice. Dean wanted to go over to Cas and sit down next to him, but the reaction he had gotten from the angel after he almost collapsed in the warehouse told him he better not do that. So he stayed where he was, only a few feet away from Cas.  
  
"I thought you ran off to a place far away," Dean said, trying to catch the angel's eyes, but Cas wouldn't look him in the eyes.  
  
"Sorry," was all Cas said. He looked at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing in that place.  
  
Dean sighed. "What's up, Cas? You haven't been around much lately." Castiel raised his head to look at Dean, and finally met his eyes.  
  
"I've…not been feeling like staying around." He looked to the ground again, and that annoyed Dean slightly.  
  
"You know you can talk to me about it, right?" Dean said in a gentle voice. "About what happened…" Castiel flinched a bit and bit his lower lip; a gesture Dean hadn't seen him do before.  
  
"Cas…" Dean said, taking a step forward but immediately stopped when he saw Castiel flinch and widen his eyes. "Cas, what are you—"  
  
"I have to go," Castiel interrupted and disappeared in the blink of an eye. Dean growled in frustration.  
  


***

  
"He just disappeared again?" Sam asked the next morning in the diner. Dean poured some milk into his coffee before looking at Sam.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I scared him off twice last night," he mumbled and took a sip from his coffee. It was still a bit too hot so he put it down again. "I wonder if angels have post traumatic stress syndromes like humans do."  
  
"Somehow I doubt it, but Cas isn't exactly a full angel anymore, is he?" Sam said, drinking from his own coffee – without milk. "You saw him yourself after he transported us to the past; it drained almost all of his powers. And I don't think he's become weaker just physically, I think it's mental, too."  
  
"Yeah I guess," Dean sighed. "Jimmy told me that before Cas disobeyed, he didn't feel many emotions. But afterwards he started to have more feelings."  
  
"Jimmy said that?" Sam asked surprised.  
  
"Yeah, we talked a bit before Cas flew back into him. Apparently he was able to feel some of the emotions Cas felt while he possessed him, so I guess it's true." Dean shrugged and took another sip from his coffee. It was drinkable now.  
  
"Poor Jimmy," Sam said, looking at his coffee. "I mean, he's being ridden by an angel and he has no idea what's going on. The only thing he knows is what Castiel feels. Must be pretty tough. And he was a nice guy, too."  
  
Dean nodded absently. He had never really thought about Jimmy being in there with Cas. But after spending two weeks with the guy and getting to know him more, he felt really sorry for him. He couldn't help but be slightly angry at Cas for screwing up Jimmy's life like that, but he knew the angel didn't have much choice. Either possess poor Jimmy or burn out everyone's eyes that looked at him.  
  
"Dean," Sam said, alert in his voice. Dean looked up and followed Sam's eyes to look at two people behind him. They were standing by the counter, obviously talking to one of the waitresses. Both men were in their forties, dressed in black suits and had dark hair.  
  
Dean frowned and turned to look back at Sam. "What is it? What's wrong with them?" he whispered in confusion.  
  
"Demons," Sam whispered back, not taking his eyes off from the demons. Dean's eyes widened and he looked back at them. The two men turned to leave, walking past Sam and Dean without sparing them a glance and walked out the door. "We should follow them."  
  
"Are you crazy? Why?" Dean blurted out.  
  
"Dean, maybe we can force out of them where the Hell Devourer will hit next." Sam rose from his seat and was ready to follow the demons. Dean threw some cash on the table for the coffee and left with Sam.  
  
They followed the demons into the alley behind the diner and attacked them; using the knife to kill off one of them, and pinning the other demon against the wall. The demon surrendered when the knife was pressed against his throat, but not close enough to draw blood.  
  
"Where will the Hell Devourer hit next?" Sam went straight to business, as he held the knife up to the demon's throat and questioned it. The demon grinned.  
  
"What makes you think I'm gonna tell you?" it challenged. Sam pulled the knife back and sliced the demon in the shoulder. It cried out in pain before Sam placed the knife at its throat again.  
  
"You better tell us before you have more cuts all over you," Sam hissed.  
  
"Sammy," Dean said, warning in his voice. He didn't like the way Sam was looking at the demon. That cold look. But Sam ignored him.  
  
"You can cut me all you want, I ain't telling you," the demon hissed back at Sam. "Nothing you can do to me is worse than what I've already experienced in my time in hell. Ask your little angel; he should know just how bad it is down there in the worst part of hell." He looked at Dean when he said that, smiling smugly at him.  
  
"What? Where was Cas? What did you guys do to him?" Dean shouted, stepping closer to the demon.  
  
"Dean—" Sam said, but fell silent when the demon started laughing out loudly.  
  
"Oh, he was right in the centre of hell. The part that's absolutely beyond any description. So bad it even drives angels crazy I guess." He started giggling and Dean felt like punching him, but he stopped himself from doing so. "I was there when he arrived, ya know. It was just before I got out. They did such terrible things to him. And it didn't even take a month before they had him screaming and begging for mercy." He started laughing again and Dean finally placed a hard punch right in his face.  
  
"How long was he there?" Dean shouted, grabbing the demon by his suit and pinning him against the wall, pushing Sam away. "HOW LONG?"  
  
The demon spat out the blood from his mouth and grinned. "Well, that part has a different time order than the rest of hell… I believe fifty years should do it."  
  
Dean placed another punch on the demon's face and was about to punch him even more before Sam grabbed him and pulled him away. "Dean! We still need to question him! And you're hurting yourself, he's not worth it!" But Dean didn't care if his knuckles hurt like hell and had probably almost been broken; he was furious.  
  
The demon was now on the ground, dealing with his dislocated jaw. He was still smiling smugly, and that made Dean want to work him over again, but Sam wouldn't let him. "Where is the Hell Devourer?" Sam asked one more time.  
  
"I told you: I'm not gonna tell you," replied the demon.  
  
"Fine, then go rot in hell," Sam said coldly before he stabbed the knife through the demon's chest. Electric light came from the demon before it fell lifelessly to the ground, the host's eyes staring into nothing.  
  
"Damnit, _I_ wanted to do that, Sammy!" Dean complained.  
  
"Sorry," murmured Sam, wiping off the demon blood on the knife in a napkin. Dean cursed and turned away from Sam; his entire body still trembling with anger. "You okay?" Sam asked, walking up to stand behind Dean.  
  
"No, I'm not _fucking_ okay, Sammy!" Dean spat. He tried to control his temper and took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. Sam looked at Dean, empathy in his eyes. Dean turned around to face him. "The things they did to him…" he started, trying to hold back the tears. He shook his head and looked to the ground. "Never mind, we should leave."  
  
"Dean—"  
  
" _We should leave,_ " Dean repeated more firmly and shot Sam a glare. Sam nodded slowly, concern and empathy in his eyes, and they walked away in silence.

  
***

  
When they arrived at the motel later, they were surprised when Castiel suddenly popped in, standing in the middle of the room.  
  
"Cas?" Dean said. He stopped himself from running over to the angel. "Why are you… what are you doing here?"  
  
Castiel looked at him, face looking slightly hurt. "If it's an inappropriate time, I'll just leave again—"  
  
"No, no," Dean cut him off. "Don't go." They looked at each other for a moment before Sam cleared his throat behind Dean.  
  
"I think I'll go grab some… dinner," he said. "You want anything?" he asked Dean.  
  
"No thanks, Sammy," said Dean, and Sam left the room quickly, leaving Dean and Castiel alone.  
  
Castiel shifted, eyes to the ground. He looked uncomfortable and awkward. Dean dared to take one step forward, and Cas' eyes immediately shot up and looked at him. But he didn't flinch.  
  
"Cas," Dean said. He wasn't sure what he should say, he was afraid to scare the angel off again. "You came. Any particular reason?" He prayed that Cas wouldn't just leave again like last time.  
  
"I…" Cas trailed off. He looked as his feet, and Dean swore the angel looked embarrassed. "Not really, I just… didn't want to… be alone." He said it in a low, almost apologizing voice; something Dean hadn't seen him do before. Dean's face lit up a bit and he gave the angel a warm smile.  
  
"Okay," he said in a gentle voice. "You don't have to be. I'm here ya know."  
  
Cas looked up, still looking embarrassed and awkward, and he nodded slowly. Dean walked over and sat on the edge of his bed. He made an inviting gesture at Cas, who reluctantly walked over and sat down next to him, but keeping a proper distance between them. Dean didn't mind it though; he knew Cas still needed some time to get over it.  
  
Dean looked at Castiel, and noted that the way the angel shifted was odd. It was like he was in pain somewhere. He wasn't sure if he should ask Castiel about it; he might just end up sitting alone if he did. But Cas seemed to see the question in his eyes as he looked back at him. "My back hurts," he explained after hesitating.  
  
"Oh," Dean said. "Did you hurt something back there?"  
  
Castiel hesitated before answering. "Yes," he said simply. Dean was a bit frustrated with that answer but he decided not to push the matter.  
  
"How's Jimmy doing?" he asked instead. Castiel seemed surprised by the question, but he answered anyway.  
  
"He's fine I guess," Cas said. "He's sleeping. As usual."  
  
"Is that some kind of angel thing? To just let your vessel sleep while you're riding them?" Dean asked, smirking slightly.  
  
"It's better that way," Cas said. He stared into the room. "If I keep him awake, he'll only feel uncomfortable. Probably he would feel pain from having me inside him. I'm doing him a favour by keeping him unconscious." Dean nodded absently. He guessed being possessed by an angel wasn't exactly comfortable.  
  
Castiel's expression changed. It looked as if he was going to ask Dean something, but he was in conflict with himself. Eventually he stood up. "I should go."  
  
"What? You just got here," Dean blurted out.  
  
Cas turned to look at him. "I… I can't…" he trailed off.  
  
"You're avoiding me again." It was not a question. Cas looked away, biting his lip. That only confirmed Dean's suspicion about Cas avoiding him. And then Cas was gone before Dean could blink.  
  
Dean sighed in frustration. Castiel had come to see him, so he wasn't avoiding him completely. But he still had the feeling Cas was avoiding him. He had wanted to ask Dean for something, but he had hesitated and given up. Was the angel ever going to properly talk to Dean again?


	3. Chapter 3

Several days went by and Dean and Sam started going back to hunting all kinds of supernatural things. Sam didn't mention Castiel and neither did Dean. Dean couldn't bear talking about him, not after the angel's last visit. He knew the concern for him was more than he'd feel for anyone else – except Sam and Bobby. It scared him that he had such strong feelings for a man – or angel, since the angel wasn't really a man.  
  
The next time Dean saw Castiel, was when Sam had found them a hunting job in a town in Iowa. A witch had been terrorizing the town for over a week, making people kill each other and themselves. But after they tracked down the witch to an abandoned house just outside town and killed her off, demons started appearing.  
  
"Oh you gotta be kidding me," Dean said as he saw they were surrounded by twelve demons in the backyard of some house. Sam pulled out the knife.  
  
"I think we're outnumbered, Dean," Sam said, swallowing nervously as the demons came closer to them.  
  
Before Sam could do anything, he was thrown to the ground, knife escaping his hand and landing several feet away from him, out of his reach. Two demons pinned him to the ground, and he knew they were probably going to take him to Lucifer. He tried to shake them off, but one of the demons had a perfect hold on his arm; he couldn't move.  
  
Dean growled and launched forward, but four demons came and knocked him to the ground. The knife was too far away, so Dean had to punch and kick to get the demons off from him while he tried to make his way over to the knife. But then someone kicked him hard in his shoulder, dislocating it, and Dean hissed in pain.  
  
Just as he thought the demons were going to kill him, Castiel appeared. The demons quickly turned their attention to him and launched forward to attack. Dean swore he saw a flicker of panic in Castiel's eyes as the demons ran towards him, but he quickly raised his hand and held the demons still with his mind. Then he began to say a verbal exorcism, and the demons were forced from their hosts and disappeared.  
  
Sam struggled to stand up, and went over to Dean, who was still sitting on the ground, holding the arm with the dislocated shoulder. Cas met Dean's eyes for a second before the angel disappeared without a word.  
  
"You okay?" Sam asked as he helped Dean stand up.  
  
"I'm fine," Dean grumbled. When he stood, he looked at the spot Cas had just disappeared from. "But I don't think Cas is."  
  
Sam frowned. "What makes you say that? He helped us, didn't he?"  
  
"Since when did Castiel have to use a _verbal_ exorcism to get rid of demons?" Dean said, looking at Sam.  
  
"Uh, because he can't exorcise them with a touch of his hand anymore?"  
  
"No, that's not it. He actually panicked when they came running at him, I could see it in his eyes." Dean sighed. "He's become so frightened every time people get near him. Hell, he even gets uncomfortable when I get near him, and that dude never had trouble with invading my personal space before."  
  
"Dean…" Sam trailed off; he didn't know what to say.  
  
"Just… help me with this shoulder and let's get the hell outta here," Dean sighed. Sam nodded, but the empathy did not disappear from his eyes.  
  


***

  
"You idjits should concentrate on that stupid Hell Devourer rather than witches," Bobby said, sitting in his wheel chair next to the kitchen table. Sam was sitting by the table, and Dean was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.  
  
"We know, but that stupid thing is always one step ahead of us, we always arrive in town after it has already left," Dean said in a defensive tone.  
  
"Then maybe you should find out where it hits next time," Bobby said in a that's-so-obvious-you-idjit tone.  
  
"Well, we've tried," Sam cut in. "But the demon we questioned last time wouldn't tell us. None of them do." Bobby sighed in surrender.  
  
"Well, then I guess we have to wait until it has eaten all the people it needs and starts terrorizing the planet. Except then it might be too late to have a chance to kill it," Bobby said, clearly just as annoyed and frustrated by the whole situation as the brothers were. He looked up at Dean. "Where is your idjit-angel, he should be able to track down that thing better than we can."  
  
"He's not an _idjit-angel_ , his name is Castiel," Dean mumbled. Sam chuckled and Dean shot him a questioning glare.  
  
"Oh," said Sam when he noticed Dean's glare. "Sorry. It's just that you protested that Bobby called Cas an 'idjit-angel' but you didn't protest at the fact that he called him yours." He started grinning, and was clearly trying not to burst out laughing.  
  
"Shut up, Sam," Dean said, causing Sam to finally burst out laughing. Though his brother was right: he didn't protest when Bobby called Cas Dean's angel. In fact, he kinda liked the sound of it. _His_ angel…  
  
"Buncha idjits…" mumbled Bobby, and Sam laughed even harder. Dean shot him a glare.  
  
"Dude, is it really that funny?"  
  
"Yes," Sam croaked out while laughing. They had only been at Bobby's for two hours and had had three beers, and Sam was already acting like he was drunk. Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance.  
  
"Whatever, I'm going out to get some fresh air," Dean said and was gone before Sam or Bobby could reply.  
  
He went outside in Bobby's salvage yard. It was already midnight and the full moon was clearly visible in the sky. Dean finished the last of his beer and threw the bottle in a nearby trash can. He walked around until he suddenly saw someone sitting on top of one of the cars, with his back to Dean and looking at the full moon. Castiel.  
  
"Cas?" Dean blurted out in surprise, causing Castiel to jump and look around quickly. His eyes landed on Dean, but they didn't look any less nervous.  
  
"Hello Dean," Cas forced out, shifting slightly so he was sitting with his side to Dean and not his back. Dean thought he probably didn't like turning his back to anyone at the moment, not even him. Dean stepped a bit closer to the car Cas was sitting on, but he stopped when Cas started to get uncomfortable.  
  
"So you are following us after all," Dean said, looking up at Cas who flinched when he said it. He looked like a small child that had been caught stealing. Dean sighed heavily. "Cas, it's okay, I'm not mad at your for it, it's just…" He looked up at the angel who still had a frightened look on his face. The angel clearly didn't want to talk to him right now. "…you've been acting weird lately."  
  
"I'm sorry, Dean, I did not mean to worry you," Cas finally said.  
  
"Worry me?" Dean said, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Cas, you've done more than just 'worrying' me." Cas looked away in guilt, and Dean licked his lips before continuing. "You wanted to ask something of me the other day, didn't you?"  
  
"I—" Cas said, eyes wide with surprise and staring at Dean.  
  
"Just _ask_ me damnit! It's what I'm here for," Dean said, desperately. Castiel bit his lip and shook his head.  
  
"Dean… I can't—" he trailed off again. It looked as if he was going to disappear again, and Dean took a desperate step forward.  
  
"Cas! Don't you dare to—" but then the angel was gone. "…disappear." Dean let out a loud growl of frustration.  
  


***

  
Afterwards, Castiel showed up every now and then while Sam and Dean were hunting. He showed up when they needed his help, and he helped them kill off the things they were hunting. But Castiel never got too close to the things they were hunting; he just held them still with his mind and waited for Sam or Dean to do the rest. He always left before either of them could talk to him, and before they even managed to thank him. Dean was glad that the angel seemed to look out for them and helped them, but he missed the old Cas; the Cas he could talk to and tell jokes he didn't understand anyway.  
  
It was night and Dean had been to a nearby bar. He had been drinking and flirting with girls, but he didn't take it any further than flirting. He wasn't in the mood for it. Or at least so he thought, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something else was preventing him from having sex with random girls in the bars he went to.  
  
Dean quickly pushed the thought away and went back to his and Sam's motel room. It was almost 2am, so Sam was probably asleep. Dean put the key in the lock, but then he heard someone talking in the room. Slowly, he opened the door a tiny bit so he could see inside. And there they were, standing in the middle of the room. Sam was _talking_ with Castiel, and Cas was replying.  
  
Dean's heart dropped. The angel hadn't been talking to _him_ like this lately, but now he was willing to talk to Sam? He couldn't help but feel the jealousy built inside him as he observed the conversation between his brother and his angel.  
  
"Sam, I appreciate your concern, but I really don't wish to talk about it…" Cas said, looking to the ground. He sounded almost like his old self again; voice emotionless.  
  
"Well, I understand you're uncomfortable, but Dean is really worried about you. I think it'd be better if you just talked to him, let him know what's on your mind. He only wants to help…" Sam said, empathy in his voice. The angel shook his head.  
  
"Sam, I'm not…I can't—" and then Cas' eyes shot up and looked towards the door. Sam followed the angel's gaze to see Dean standing in the doorway. Dean shifted and coughed.  
  
"Sorry, I should have knocked…" mumbled Dean, looking from Castiel to Sam.  
  
"Dean," Sam said surprised. "Uh, we were just—"  
  
"I should go," Castiel said, and then he was gone in a ruffling of feathers.  
  
Sam threw his arms up in a frustrated gesture, and Dean entered the room and closed the door behind him. He had a bitter look on his face. "Nice to see that he's at least talking to _you_ ," Dean said bitterly. He said down on his bed, leaning against the headboard, and rubbed his face in his hands.  
  
"Dean, it was not… he was just—"  
  
"Shut up, Sam," Dean cut him off. "I don't wonna hear it." But Sam didn't give up.  
  
"Dean, let me explain, it was not—" Sam trailed off. He licked his lips and continued. "Cas came to tell me where the Hell Devourer will hit next. He said he heard the demons talk about it. And then I tried to talk to him about the things that have been going on recently, but he didn't really want to talk about it."  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Dean grumbled. "Where did he say the thing will be? And when?" He finally looked at Sam, though his voice indicated he wasn't really much interested in the matter right now.  
  
"Uh, in a small town here in Iowa, in two weeks," Sam said, sitting down on his bed.  
  
"Great. Two weeks of boredom and misery," Dean mumbled, more to himself than to Sam. He turned to lie down, back facing Sam. Sam sighed and lay down to sleep as well.  
  


***

  
The next morning, Dean woke up as the sun shined through the window and shined on his face. He groaned and brought his arm up to cover his face. The sheets had fallen off him during the night, leaving him on the bed in just a t-shirt and his boxers. The cool air hit his thighs and he wanted to pull the sheets over his body again when he felt someone sitting next to him.  
  
Dean snapped his eyes open and stared into Castiel's blue yes that were looking back at him. "Hello Dean," said the angel as usual. Dean sat up quickly, and covered his boxers with the sheets. It felt wrong laying there half naked in front of the angel.  
  
"Cas?" Dean asked surprised. He rubbed his eyes, but the angel was still sitting there, observing him. Sam was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"I'm sorry I disappeared last night," Castiel said, looking to his lap. "I… felt uncomfortable."  
  
Dean looked at his friend. Suddenly all the anger and frustration he had felt towards the angel over the last few weeks disappeared. "It's okay dude, I understand." Cas' face seemed to soften but he did still not look at Dean.  
  
"I… I'll try not to run away this time, Dean," he said, looking at Dean. Dean's eyebrows rose in surprise, but also relief. Castiel shifted. "I know I've been avoiding you, Dean. I'm sorry you got upset about it, but… it hasn't been easy for me lately."  
  
"Yeah, I know." Dean sat up, leaning against the headboard, not looking away from Castiel. "Do you… wonna talk about it?"  
  
Cas swallowed nervously. He gave a small nod. "But… not yet, I don't think I'm ready just yet," he said after a pause. Dean nodded in understanding. Cas looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes again. "Dean, there is something… there is something I wanted to ask of you. A favour." He bit his lip nervously.  
  
"Sure, you can ask all you want, Cas. What is it?" Dean said, his voice calm and gentle.  
  
"It's… not something I usually ask of anyone. I shouldn't even ask it of you," Cas murmured, obviously still in conflict with himself.  
  
"Dude, just tell me, I won't be mad," Dean grinned. Cas' eyes looked so innocent when they locked with Dean's.  
  
"It's my wings," he said. Dean stared at him in surprise. "In hell, they… injured them. Badly. I've healed them as well as I can, but I can't seem to fix my left wing myself since I can't reach properly…So I thought, maybe…" He bit his lip again.  
  
"You want my help to fix it?" Dean asked patiently. Castiel nodded shyly. "I thought you angels helped each other with such things, why didn't you ask one of the other angels—"  
  
"No!" Cas blurted out, surprising Dean. His eyes widened; he hadn't meant to blurt out like that. "No… not the other angels. They wouldn't want to help me." He looked at Dean, pleading. "Dean, please…"  
  
"Sure, sure," Dean said. "I'll help out you out if you want, it's not a big deal." He gave Cas a warm smile, and seemed to relax the angel. Castiel rose slowly from the edge of the bed. He turned his back to Dean and slowly the wings started appearing from Castiel's back. Dean sucked in a breath as the wings came out, spreading to each side. It seemed to be painful for Cas to unfurl his wings, and he did not extend them as they would just knock over the things in the room. But they were still huge and white, and the feathers were soft-looking. It was so breathtaking and beautiful that Dean almost forgot how to breathe.  
  
Now he could see why the angel needed help. The left wing seemed to be a badly dislocated. No wonder Cas was in such pain.  
  
Then Castiel moved to the end of the bed and sat down on the edge. Dean crawled over so he was sitting behind him. Castiel flinched slightly as Dean came closer, but then he relaxed more.  
  
"This is probably going to hurt," Dean said behind Cas. "Are you sure you want this?"  
  
"Yes, Dean, please…" Cas said. His hands were grabbing at his trench coat tightly, as if preparing for the pain to come. Dean nodded and gently took the left wing in his hand. Castiel shuddered and moaned, and Dean prepared to put the wing back into place. With a loud crack the wing was back in place, and Cas cried out in pain; his true voice slipping out and hurting Dean's ears for a split second.  
  
Dean let go of the wing as Castiel quickly rose from the bed. He spun around, taking a few steps back and looked at Dean with wide frightened eyes. The wings quickly disappeared back into his vessel. Dean looked up at Cas in bewilderment.  
  
"Sorry," Cas whispered, looking to the ground as if ashamed. And then Dean understood. Castiel still had problems with being near someone, and asking Dean to fix his dislocated wing took all of the angel's courage. He must have been in such pain and so desperate to even ask it. But because he was still uncomfortable with being close to someone, he had flinched and jerked away from the bed after Dean had fixed his wing. He must have struggled not to fly away as soon as Dean put his hands on the wing. He was surprised Cas had even managed to fly with that injury.  
  
"'s okay, Cas, don't be sorry." He gave Cas a friendly smile.  
  
"Thank you, Dean," Cas finally said, looking to his feet.  
  
"Is that why you were avoiding me? 'Cause you didn't know how to ask me that favour?" Dean said, eyes fixed on Castiel's face.  
  
"Partly," Cas admitted.  
  
"Partly?" Dean repeated.  
  
"I… don't really want to talk about it right now," Cas said, looking at Dean and hoping he would understand. Dean seemed to understand and he didn't question him any further about it. "I'll… be back soon."  
  
With a flapping of wings, the angel was gone. But this time it didn't bother Dean. This time Cas didn't disappear because he wanted to avoid him, and that itself was a huge relief for Dean. He just hoped his friend would open up to him when he was ready and talk about what happened in the pit. Now he just needed to be patient...


	4. Chapter 4

He was running as fast as his vessel's legs could carry him. His enemies were catching up with him and he panicked, trying not to look back. They were taunting and yelling at him, but the spell prevented him from flying away, so he had no choice but to run instead. It was night and there was no sight of anyone who could help him. He fled into an alley, hoping to shake off the demons in the maze of abandoned buildings.  
  
As he rounded the corner of a building, he bumped into a trash can and fell to the ground. The demons came closer and closer; smug smiles on their faces and he knew what they'd do to him. Desperately, he tried to crawl away from the demons; panic and fear overtaking him. But the demons were faster. A demon grabbed his foot and pulled, as he tried to crawl away backwards, and his head hit the pavement.  
  
"No, _let go of me_!" Castiel yelled in fear, kicking at the demon that had grabbed his foot. Soon others came and he was surrounded. One demon grabbed him under his arms and hurled him to his feet, while the others stepped closer, ready to torture him all over again. " _Get off me! Leave me alone!_ " He yelled and screamed, and tried to free himself from the demon's grip. But the demons didn't stop; they merely laughed the more he tried to fight them.  
  
The only thing he could think of was how much he wished Dean was there to help him. _Dean would save him…  
_

***

  
Dean opened the motel room door and stepped outside. It was a cold night. He breathed in the air as he closed the door and went out into the parking lot. The Impala was parked in the other end, since the parking lot had been full earlier.  
  
Dean took out the keys to the Impala, but before he opened the door, he heard a noise that caught his attention. It sounded pitiful and fragile. He went around to the other side of the car, and his heart nearly stopped at what he saw. Castiel was sitting there; leaning up against the passenger door of the Impala, legs bend up in front of his chest, arms holdings his legs, and face buried in his arms. He looked so small as fragile as he sat there.  
  
"Cas?" Dean blurted out in surprise and concern. He kneeled in front of Cas, trying to make the angel look at him. "Cas?" he said firmly, but the angel didn't move and didn't look up at him. His body was trembling from the cold, and Dean could see that the angel's hands were injured, and there was blood on the trench coat.  
  
Gently, he moved his hand over and cupped Castiel's chin, forcing him to look up at him. "Oh God," Dean whispered in horror when he saw Cas' face. It was badly bruised, and he could see the angel hadn't managed to heal all the bruising yet. There was a hint of tears in the angel's eyes, but it did not look like he had been crying.  
  
"Cas, what's wrong? What happened?" Dean asked. But Cas just shook his head and buried it in his arms again. "Damnit Cas, you can't sit here all night. C'mon, let me help you—" But as soon as he tried to grab Cas' arm to help him up, Cas flinched violently and stared at him with terrified eyes. "It's okay, Cas, I won't hurt you."  
  
It took Dean a while to persuade Cas to stand up, and when he did, he led him to the motel room across the parking lot. He tried not to touch Cas as he walked behind him; arms wrapped around himself and looked like he was trying to make himself look smaller. He stared around like he was afraid someone would show up and hurt him, and it took all Dean's concentration to not wrap an arm around the angel to reassure him.  
  
"Jesus!" Sam blurted out as they entered the motel room. He put his laptop aside and immediately got up and walked over to Dean and Cas. But Dean signalled him to stop as he came too close to Cas, and Sam stopped, looking questioning at his brother. Cas was still trembling and had his arms wrapped around himself. He was looking at the floor, refusing to meet their eyes. "What happened?" Sam asked.  
  
"I dunno, just found him sitting outside like this. He won't tell me what happened," Dean said and looked at Cas in concern.  
  
"Cas?" Cas raised his head slightly as Sam said his name, but he did still not look him in the eyes. "What happened? Who did this to you?"  
  
Castiel shifted, looking away. "Demons," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Demons?" Dean said in surprise. "How the hell can demons do this to you? You're stronger than them!"  
  
Dean's loud voice made Castiel jump and he turned to look at Dean with big, frightened eyes. Tears were starting to build in his eyes again, making him look even more pitiful and vulnerable, and so _un-Cas_.  
  
Dean's heart almost stopped when he saw those eyes. He felt an immediate need to protect Cas, to make sure nothing like that ever happened to him again. He couldn't explain why, but seeing Cas this vulnerable made his heart ache, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do right now.  
  
"Tell me where they are," Dean commanded, stepping closer to Cas. " _Tell me where!_ " Cas looked at him at in shock.  
  
" _Dean,_ " Sam said, warning in his voice, as he could see that Dean's anger seemed to frighten Cas. But Dean just shushed him and turned to Cas, who was still staring at him.  
  
"Dean, don't," Cas said, eyes wide. "N-Nothing happened—"  
  
" _'Nothing happened'_?" Dean repeated bitterly. "Jesus, Cas, have you looked at yourself? 'Nothing happened' doesn't even cover it!" Cas looked to the ground again, hands wrapping around himself even tighter. Dean sighed.  
  
"You should, uh, get some rest, Cas," Sam suggested, not taking his eyes from the angel.  
  
They led Castiel over to Dean's bed and he lay down in silence, turning his back towards them and curled himself into a fetal position on the bed. His body tensed as Dean put a blanket over him to keep him warm, but he didn't say anything.  
  
Dean decided he'd better sleep on the couch the next few days.  
  


***

  
The next few days, Cas didn't move from the bed. He just lay there all day, and didn't respond when Sam or Dean tried to talk to him. Sometimes he would give a short answer, but he mostly kept to himself. He didn't have to eat, drink or use the bathroom – he didn't even have to sleep, so he just lay there and stared into nothing. Though sometimes Dean had seen him close his eyes. Dean was getting very concerned but Cas wouldn't open up to him. He figured Cas just needed some time to think things through before he was ready to talk.  
  
Sam went out to buy them some food from the local diner. Dean decided to stay behind to look after Cas. He sat down by the table and played with Sam's laptop (which Sam had told him not to). Bustyasianbeauties dot com was a nice way to get his mind of the things that had been going on lately. Though, the site didn't seem as interesting anymore as it used to be…  
  
"Dean?" Dean jumped up and went over to Cas immediately. Cas turned around to face Dean as he sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at him. He forced himself to sit up and leant against the headboard.  
  
"Cas? You okay?"  
  
"I think so. I just… needed to rest for a while," Cas said, finally turning to look at Dean. "Where is Sam?" he asked after a few seconds; eyes searching the room for the younger Winchester, but couldn't find him.  
  
"He went out to get some food," Dean replied.  
  
"Oh," Cas said, impassively. He looked at his hands and then he placed them on his face, feeling it. "I've healed." Dean swore Cas sounded surprised.  
  
"Yeah, you have," Dean chuckled. "You healed the day after you got here." Cas looked at him.  
  
"That fast?" he asked, tilting his head.  
  
"Uh, yeah," Dean said and frowned in confusion. "You always heal fast, remember?"  
  
Castiel looked at his hands again. "I… I don't heal so fast anymore, Dean," he reminded him. "I'm surprised the demons' spell wore off so quickly."  
  
"Spell? What are you talking about?" Dean asked, even more confused now. He had absolutely no idea what Cas was talking about. Cas looked at him again and hesitated.  
  
"The demons… they cast a spell on me the other day," he explained. He swallowed in discomfort. "Somehow, it drained me of most of my powers… I couldn't even fly away." He looked at his hands in shame.  
  
"Oh." Now Dean understood why Cas had let himself being overpowered by _demons_. How he could have let them do something like that to him… It made him angry, even furious that he hadn't been there to save Castiel. That he hadn't taken better care of his angel now that he was so vulnerable and hurt.  
  
Castiel looked at Dean and seemed to know what the man was thinking. "Don't blame yourself, Dean. It's not your fault."  
  
"Damn right it's my fault!" Dean cut in, hint anger in his voice. The anger was meant for himself, not for Cas. "I shouldn't have let you go around alone in your condition, not with all these demons around."  
  
"Dean, I can take care of myself—"  
  
"No you can't, Cas! Just look at what they did to you. If they throw that spell at you again, god knows what they will do to you."  
  
"They can't kill me, Dean," Cas assured him. "They do not possess the right weapon."  
  
"It doesn't matter, Cas!" Dean shifted on the bed, sitting a bit closer to Cas, whose nervous eyes immediately followed his movement. "Obviously they can still hurt you. Are you really willing to risk that again?"  
  
Castiel looked away. "No," he muttered.  
  
Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Cas. It's just… it hasn't been easy lately."  
  
"I know."  
  
Then there was silence between them. Castiel slowly got out of the bed and stood in front of Dean, who had stood up and stepped back a little to give Cas some space.  
  
Neither of them said anything. Dean looked at Cas for a long while, but Cas was looking away. The silence felt awkward and Dean was surprised Cas hadn't just left yet. Maybe the angel didn't _want_ to leave; maybe he actually wanted to talk but couldn't get the words out. At least it looked like that.  
  
Dean coughed and broke the silence. Castiel's eyes moved up to look at Dean. "So uh, a demon told Sam and me that you… were in hell for fifty years. Is that true?" He hoped he hadn't crossed the line by asking Cas about hell so soon. He expected the angel to tell him it was none of his business, or to get angry or just fly off.  
  
But instead, Castiel shifted and looked to his lap. "Yes," he said simply. Dean waited for him to continue and so he did. "I… I'm not sure if it was exactly fifty years – could have been more or less. All I could think of was the pain."  
  
"Do you even feel pain in your true form?" Dean asked. He couldn't help himself, he was kind of curious.  
  
"Yes, if the weapon used against me is the right one," Cas explained.  
  
"So they did have that weapon? In hell I mean."  
  
"Yes," Cas said; a flicker of fear and discomfort in his eyes and voice as he thought about what had been done to him. "A weapon like that… causes pain beyond your imagination, Dean."  
  
"Jesus, Cas, and you went through that for fifty years?" He had lived through thirty years of torture in hell himself, where they had done the most horrible things to him. But he knew Cas wasn't as used to physical and mental pain as he was; and judging from Cas' constant fear of demons, that weapon must really have hurt.  
  
"Fifty years isn't a long time for me, Dean."  
  
"Well, it was obviously enough to make you scared of physical contact," Dean said and regretted it when saw Cas looking away once again. He looked sad.  
  
"I've… never had much physical contact with anyone before, Dean. Angels don't have much physical contact with each other. And after hell… I don't think I like it very much," Cas admitted.  
  
"Dude, physical contact is not a bad thing," Dean chuckled. "It's actually pretty nice and comforting. That means if you aren't being tortured of course." Cas titled his head to the side again, and looked at Dean with curious eyes. That look always made Dean's heart beat faster and he swallowed nervously.  
  
"Would you show me?" Cas asked innocently. Dean's jaw almost dropped. Did Cas just ask him to do something physical with him? The thought was almost enough to make him hard on the spot, but he pulled himself together.  
  
"Uh, sure, I guess," Dean stammered, still surprised by the request. Castiel looked at him gratefully and straightened up a bit. He seemed to wait for Dean to make his move.  
  
Dean felt awkward as he coughed nervously and stepped forward, slowly. He stood right in front of Cas now, chests almost touching, and he could see that Cas felt nervous as he stepped closer to him. But he didn't move or push him away and that was a good sign.  
  
Slowly, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, who stiffened on the spot. Dean stopped, waiting for Cas to relax before he fully wrapped his arms around him. After a few seconds, Cas' hands found their way to Dean's back, and Dean's were on his. He could feel the tension in the body of the angel he was holding, but after a few moments, Cas relaxed and leant into the contact. He rested his head in the crook of Dean's neck and nuzzled a bit. That made Dean smile and chuckle softly. "See? It's not that bad," Dean said. Castiel nodded against him, holding him tighter now.  
  
Dean started moving his hand up and down Castiel's back in slow strokes to comfort him. Cas tensed a bit as the movement was unfamiliar to him. But he trusted Dean, and the movement actually felt comforting, so he relaxed once more.  
  
Dean moved his hand over Cas' shoulder blades. He couldn't help but think of the beautiful wings he had seen a few days earlier. They reminded him that this being was not a human, and had never been. This was a powerful angel of the Lord, and he let Dean hold him like this. He even seemed to enjoy it. Dean struggled to not let the thought excite him too much, it would be inappropriate while he was this close to Cas.  
  
Suddenly the door to the motel room opened and Dean could hear Sam enter and saying, "Oh. I think I'll just… uh, come back later." And then he was gone almost as fast as he came. Dean chuckled but didn't let go of Cas just yet. He had felt Cas tense as Sam entered the room, but the angel didn't move away from Dean, which pleased him a lot.  
  
Finally, Dean pulled away from Castiel slowly, and Cas did the same. He couldn't help but laugh once he let go of Cas. Cas stared at him in confusion. "What's so funny?"  
  
"Ah, nothing," Dean said between the laughter. "I just wish I could have seen his face. Must have been priceless. I bet he's never gonna let me forget this."  
  
"I don't know if his face was 'priceless' as you say, but he did look shocked. And why wouldn't he let you forget this?" he asked, titling his head even more – if that was even possible, Dean thought.  
  
Dean chuckled. "Never mind, Cas. It's nothing you should worry about."  
  
Cas frowned but then he seemed to let the discussion go. He stood and stared at the floor again. His face looked as if he just realised something and seemed ashamed about it or regretted it. Dean frowned. "You okay?" Dean asked, suddenly concerned.  
  
"I'm fine, Dean," Cas replied, raising his head to look at Dean. His expression was hard to read. "You did a lot to help me. Thank you for that. But I can't stay here any longer, not for now."  
  
"Why not?" Dean sounded more desperate than he intended to, but he didn't care. He didn't want Castiel to leave just yet, not after the angel finally started opening up to him. There were still a lot of things he wanted to know.  
  
"I… I shouldn't be around you this often. It affects me in a way that's wrong." He tried to sound impassive, but Dean swore Cas sounded nervous.  
  
"What are you talking about, Cas? Affect you how?" Dean was getting more and more confused by the second, and he was annoyed that Cas suddenly seemed to avoid him again. What the hell was going on?  
  
"Dean, you don't understand," Cas said desperately. "The other angels…" he trailed off and bit his lip. "…they would punish me for this."  
  
"'Punish' you? Cas, you're not taking orders from heaven anymore; you rebelled! So what the hell are you talking about?" Dean said in frustration and confusion.  
  
"When I was in hell… some of the other angels dropped by to… see me," Cas explained, shifting uncomfortably. He bit his lip and shook his head, not sure what to do or say. "Dean, what I did was wrong, I should not even be feeling this way… It's forbidden for angels – _all_ angels."  
  
"The other angels _visited_ you in hell? And they didn't rescue you?" Dean blurted out. He suddenly felt an even stronger anger towards the other angels, but also towards the angel in front of him who seemed to hide something important from him. "Cas, would you mind telling me just _what the hell_ you're talking about?" His voice was commanding and strained, and it almost made Castiel jump.  
  
"Dean, I _can't,_ " Cas said, looking at him like a kicked puppy. "You would hate me… I don't want to—" he trailed off, looked away and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Dean, please forgive me." He looked at Dean with innocent, apologizing eyes, and before Dean could grab him, Castiel was gone in a flapping of wings.


	5. Chapter 5

"C'mon, Dean, we gotta go," Sam said, packing the rest of his stuff into his bag. Dean groaned in annoyance and walked over to his bed, packing his stuff as well. The two weeks had passed and it was finally time to go to the town in Iowa to kill the Hell Devourer before it turned the planet into a massacre field.  
  
It had been a few days since Dean had last seen Castiel, and where the angel had simply disappeared on him again. It angered Dean that Castiel constantly chose to fly away instead of telling Dean what was bothering him. He still had no idea what the angel had talked about a few days prior, but he knew it was a problem he would have to confront Cas with later. Deep down, he was annoyed at the angel, and something in him told him to not give a damn and let Cas do whatever he wanted; it couldn't be his problem what that stupid angel was thinking.  
  
"Dude, are you still sulking about Cas?" Sam said when Dean had started packing his bag with a dim expression on his face. Dean had already told him what had happened a few days before, and how Cas had avoided him again.  
  
"Sammy, just drop it okay?" Dean sighed, looking at his younger brother. "Let's just drive off to that town and get this over with."  
  
"Sure man," Sam said. He shot Dean a worried look before he went outside and put his bags into the Impala. Dean followed him in silence.  
  
There was a tense atmosphere in the car as they drove to the town. Sam kept glaring over at Dean every now and then, but Dean refused to meet his brother's eyes. He just wished Sam would stop it and leave him the hell alone. The last thing he wanted to think of right now was Cas. But Sam's constant glares kept reminding him of that incident a few days ago.  
  
Dean was about to tell Sam to stop looking at him, when suddenly there was a sound of feathers and someone appeared in the backseat. "Hello, Dean."  
  
"Jesus Christ!" Dean cursed and tried not to hit the car that was passing them. He was used to Cas popping in out of nowhere, but he hadn't expected him to show up now.  
  
Sam jumped in his seat when he heard Cas' voice and quickly turned to look at him. Castiel turned his gaze to Sam. "Hello, Sam."  
  
"What the hell, Cas?" Dean said, rather rudely. "Don't just pop in like that!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Dean, I thought you told me once that you've gotten used to that already," Cas said, tilting his head. Dean mumbled curses under his breath and Sam coughed to get Cas' attention.  
  
"So, you found out exactly where the Hell Devourer is?" Sam asked, looking back at the angel.  
  
"Yes," Castiel said, impassively. "I've located it in an abandoned factory in the southern end of the town. You should be able to find it easily."  
  
"Why, you leaving?" Sam asked. Castiel bowed his head.  
  
"The place is loaded with demons… I don't think I'd be of much help to you right now."  
  
"Sure," Sam said, understanding what the angel hinted at. "We'll handle it, don't worry, Cas."  
  
Castiel gave Sam a grateful look before he turned his gaze to look at Dean. But Dean refused to look at him, keeping his attention on the road. He was ignoring Cas, and Cas felt it. Cas nodded his good bye at Sam and disappeared.  
  
Sam sat back in his seat again, glaring at Dean. "Dude, what the hell?" he said accusingly.  
  
"What?" Dean snapped.  
  
"You just totally ignored him, Dean!"  
  
"So what? The guy deserved it!" Dean blurted out in anger. "He's been playing avoid-and-bitch with me for weeks now!"  
  
"That's because he's going through a hard time right now, Dean," Sam said, defending Cas. "You know what happened to him, and he obviously has a lot of issues. I don't blame him for not being ready to open up about everything yet."  
  
"Really?" Dean said in disbelief. "The other day he finally opened up, and was _this_ close to telling me what the fuck is on his mind, and then he just put his wings between his legs and fled! It's frustrating Sam, I can't take this shit anymore."  
  
"Dean, he needs _time_ ," Sam said. But Dean just shook his head and stared out the windshield. He didn't want to discuss this anymore. He knew Sam was right, and he knew he was overreacting, but the whole thing really was frustrating to him.  
  
What angered him even more was that Cas could actually do this to him; make him worried and frustrated and angry. No one could do that except Sam and Bobby, and it scared the hell out of Dean. He had never felt this close to anyone outside his family (Bobby including "family").  
  


***

  
They arrived in town two hours later. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, there were still people in the town. Apparently the Hell Devourer hadn't made its move yet, and that was a good sign.  
  
They drove to the south end of town and found the factory Cas had talked about. It appeared to be an old food production factory which now lay empty. They parked the car a good distance away to keep the demons from noticing them.  
  
They sneaked inside the building and saw that the main room, which was big and empty, was full of demons. They had gathered around an empty spot in the middle. There were about twenty demons in that room.  
  
Sam and Dean managed to get into the room unnoticed. They hid behind some containers a little distance away from the demons.  
  
"This is it, my brothers," one of the demons said. Dean recognized the host of the demon to be same as the one that had sent Cas to hell. "Soon the Hell Devourer will have devoured the humans in this town, and it will be strong enough to destroy this whole damned country. Just like Lucifer wants." There was talking among the demons and they seemed pleased.  
  
Dean turned to look at Sam. "What, Luci wants that ugly thing to destroy the world?"  
  
Sam shrugged. "Sounds like it." Dean snorted in disgust.  
  
The room suddenly became dark, and the electricity flickered as a big dark shadow appeared in the middle of the room in front of the demons. It started to manifest itself, and soon they could see the ugly appearance of the Hell Devourer.  
  
It was even bigger than last time they had seen it. It was about seven meters in height, had four legs and seemed to resemble a huge animal – somewhat at least. Its skin was black, though it almost looked like it was made of concentrated dark smoke; its mouth was huge and had yellow eyes. Dean felt an urge to vomit as the creature drooled all over the floor and let out a nasty growl.  
  
The demons seemed to prepare for the creature to go to the town to feed, and Sam looked at his brother in desperation.  
  
"Dean, we have to kill it now, before it gets to the town's people."  
  
"I know," Dean mumbled. He pulled out the Colt and aimed for the creature's chest. But before Dean could shoot, someone hit his arm hard and the Colt flew out of his hand and several meters along the floor.  
  
A demon grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt and lifted him up. Sam stared in horror as the demon that had sent Cas to hell grabbed his brother. "The Winchesters again. I knew you guys would probably show up here to ruin the fun," the demon smirked.  
  
"Let me go, you motherfu—"  
  
"Oh, but Dean, you shouldn't throw such insults around. It's not very polite," the demon interrupted him. It was still smiling smugly, as it always did.  
  
"How did you know we were here?" Sam asked from behind Dean. He had stood up from his kneeling position; the knife clenched in his hand, glaring at the demon.  
  
"Well, it was pretty obvious. I knew your brother's silly pet angel had been trailing me and my actions for some time – which is why I decided to send him on a little trip downstairs a few weeks ago. Unfortunately he came back, and I could only guess that he was still following my actions closely," the demon explained matter of factly.  
  
Another demon came over and picked up the Colt from the floor before it moved over to stand behind the first demon, who seemed to be the boss.  
  
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a pet to feed," the demon said and slammed Dean hard against one of the containers before it released him. Dean groaned in pain and fell to the ground. Sam came forward with the knife, but the demon grabbed his arm and held him in place. "Don't do that; it won't work on me anyway," the demon chuckled. It placed a hard punch to Sam's stomach, which made him fall to his knees in pain.  
  
"Son of a bitch!" Dean growled at the demon as Sam fell to his knees. The demon smiled at him.  
  
"You sure curse a lot, Dean, didn't your mom teach you better?"  
  
"Sorry; hadn't even learned how to curse before she died," Dean spat at the demon.  
  
"Right, I almost forgot," the demon said matter of factly with a teasing undertone. "Which reminds me…" It stepped closer to Dean, stopping a few feet in front of him, staring down at him. "I don't have orders to keep you alive."  
  
Dean swallowed nervously as the demon grinned down at him. The demon pulled out the demon knife it had snatched from Sam a few moments earlier, but before it could stab Dean, someone came up behind it. The demon turned, only to get a solid punch in its face that made it fly several feet away and land hard on the concrete floor.  
  
Dean stared up and saw that Castiel had appeared; anger and disgust in his face as he glared at the demon he had just punched. Dean couldn't help but notice how badass Cas looked right now, with this much anger and authority in his face and stance. He felt a sudden relief, and a feeling that everything would be okay now that Cas had finally appeared.  
  
"Cas," Dean gasped, smiling up at the angel in pure joy of seeing him again. Cas looked down at Dean, and a weak smile appeared on his face. Sam seemed to have recovered from his punch and stared at Cas in both relief and disbelief.  
  
But Castiel's small smile disappeared as he turned to look at the demon, which had gotten up from the floor, and was now chuckling in what seemed like amusement and mocking.  
  
"Well, well, I must say, I hadn't counted on that," it said, spitting blood from its mouth. "You here to get send back to hell again?" it teased.  
  
"No, I'm here to send _you_ back to hell again," Cas growled, clenching his fists which were placed along the side of his body. Dean gasped. He hadn't seen Cas this much pissed off on a demon before. Of course, this demon was the one that had sent him to hell, so his anger was natural.  
  
The demon laughed mockingly. "Go ahead. But a fallen angel like you can't do much against me, nor my little pet here." The Hell Devourer came forward as the demon signalled to it to. Castiel's eyes widened in what Dean thought was fear, but soon they narrowed as he glared at the demon. "Go get him, boy," the demon told the creature, and stared at Cas in amusement before it stepped aside.  
  
The creature roared as it prepared to attack Castiel. He quickly transported himself to the other side of the Hell Devourer – drawing its attention and the fight away from Dean and Sam.  
  
The other demons started coming towards Dean and Sam, and Dean grabbed the knife which the demon had dropped earlier.  
  
"Dean, let _me_ fight, the demons won't hurt me," Sam said urgently. But Dean refused to give him the knife.  
  
"No Sam, I won't stay behind and watch you fight alone," Dean said. He knew Sam was right and the demons wouldn't hurt him because he was Lucifer's vessel, but his instinct always told him to protect Sam. He wouldn't let Sam do this alone, he had to help his baby brother; it was his duty.  
  
When the demons came, Dean cut through as many as he could, and Sam decided to help him by knocking the demons down for Dean to kill off. He felt sorry for the innocent hosts but it couldn't be helped – they _had_ to stop the demons' plans.  
  
After several minutes, they managed to kill off the demons, and only then Dean had time to check on Cas. The Hell Devourer was roaring around, apparently knocking Cas all over the place, while Cas tried to avoid getting hit by its massive strength.  
  
"Cas!" Dean shouted, making Castiel look at him. The creature attacked once more, but Castiel avoided the attack, causing it to go through the wall and almost making the entire building collapse.  
  
Castiel stood in the middle of the room, looking at the hole the creature just made in the wall. He looked determined, with his hands fisting at his sides.  
  
"Cas?" Dean asked uncertainly, as he stepped closer.  
  
"Close your eyes," Castiel said, not looking at Dean or Sam. "Close your eyes and whatever happens, do not open them." Dean and Sam frowned in confusion as Castiel turned to face the Hell Devourer, which had recovered from its trip through the wall and was now growling down at Cas. " _Now!_ " Cas commanded.  
  
Dean and Sam quickly shut their eyes, moving an arm in front of their faces as a strong light appeared. The light became brighter and brighter, followed by a piercing sound that Dean identified to be an angel's true voice. Castiel had unleashed his true form.  
  
Dean and Sam immediately tried to cover their ears from the sound, and looked away from the light to avoid facing it. Dean could hear there was a battle going on, and he could make out painful noises coming from the Hell Devourer. At last, the Hell Devourer screamed in agony, and then suddenly the light was gone again.  
  
Dean slowly opened his eyes and turned around. Castiel was obviously back in Jimmy's body, and was on his knees and hands, panting from exhaustion. Where the Hell Devourer had been earlier, there was nothing left but ashes on the ground.  
  
Dean rushed over to Cas, kneeling by his side. "Jesus, Cas, did you just go all angel on that thing?"  
  
"I had no other choice," Castiel replied, still panting from exhaustion and what Dean thought was pain. "I couldn't kill it in this form, but I knew it would most likely not be able to stand direct contact with my true form, so I left Jimmy's body for a short while."  
  
"'Most _likely_ not be able to'?" Dean repeated. "Are you telling me you didn't know for sure but did it anyway? That you took a fucking _risk?_ " he sounded almost angry, and it made Cas look up at him with wide, apologizing eyes.  
  
"Yes," he said simply, voice low and almost ashamed.  
  
"Christ, Cas! You're a reckless fucking idiot, you know that?" Dean blurted. It made Cas look away, biting his lip. Again, he looked like a kicked puppy.  
  
Dean sighed. "C'mon, let's get outta here." He wanted to grab Castiel by the arm and help him up, but Cas' eyes immediately glared at his hand as if it was a deadly weapon. Dean decided he better not touch the angel just yet.  
  
Castiel slowly rose from his position on the ground, groaning in discomfort.  
  
"You okay?" Sam asked, looking at Cas in concern.  
  
"I'm fine," said Cas, not looking at them. "But it cost me most of my energy to kill the hell Devourer, so I'm a little… exhausted." Sam looked at him, empathy in his eyes.  
  
Suddenly a realisation hit Dean and his eyes started searching the room for something. "Where is that 'demon boss' from earlier? I don't see him anywhere."  
  
Sam looked around as well, frowning in confusion.  
  
"I believe he ran away after I left my vessel," Cas said, impassively.  
  
"What? He got scared?" Dean grinned. Castiel just looked impassively at him before turning his head away from Dean again.  
  
Dean sighed. There was still an uncomfortable atmosphere between them, and he knew that it was partly his own fault. He could sense that Castiel was hesitant to talk to him; maybe because he knew Dean was mad at him – even though his anger had faded as he saw the badass Castiel come to rescue them.  
  
"We should find a motel and rest," Sam said, after he noticed the tense atmosphere between his brother and the angel. He knew they still hadn't talked things properly through yet, and that things were still complicated.  
  
"Yeah, you're right," sighed Dean, and followed his brother when Sam headed for the exit. But then he turned to look at Cas, who was still standing at the same spot, staring at the ground. "You coming?"  
  
Castiel looked up, cocked his head to the side and frowned as he stared at Dean.  
  
"It's okay, you can come. You need some rest anyway, right?" Dean said. Castiel simply looked to the ground, nodded and then followed the brothers out of the old factory and over to the Impala that was waiting for them further down the street.


	6. Chapter 6

They found a decent motel a few miles from the old food factory they had just been in. Castiel was riding in the backseat. Usually, he’d just fly around, but his fight with the Hell Devourer had torn on his energy, so he had accepted Dean’s offer to drive in the Impala with him and Sam.  
  
Sam booked them a room, but there were only rooms for two available, so Dean guessed he had to take the couch again. He didn’t really mind though, as long as couch wasn’t too stained with god knows what.  
  
They locked themselves into the room and threw their bags on the floor. Castiel made his way to stand beside a cupboard in the room; still keeping a proper distance between himself and the two brothers.   
  
“Phew, and I almost thought that demon was gonna win,” Dean said, throwing the last bag onto the floor.  
  
“Yeah, it was a close call,” Sam agreed. “And he’s still out there. The demon. We gotta find him at some point,” he said, looking at Dean.  
  
“Yeah, I know,” Dean mumbled. It pissed him off that the demon had gotten away in the end, after all he had done to Castiel.  
  
“I’ll go to the bathroom first, if that’s okay with you guys,” Sam said, looking between Dean and Castiel.  
  
“Sure, go ahead. I doubt Cas needs it anyway,” Dean chuckled. Cas gave a small nod of agreement, and Sam smiled before he made his way into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.   
  
When Dean heard the sound of the shower being turned on, he turned to Castiel, who was still trying to make himself invisible next to the large cupboard. He cleared his throat, catching Castiel’s attention, who looked up at him from under his eyelashes.   
  
“I don’t think I got the chance to thank you for saving our asses back there,” Dean said, shifting awkwardly. “So… thanks.”  
  
Castiel stared at him for a moment before his expression softened somewhat. “You’re welcome, Dean.”  
  
There was an awkward silence between them, and Castiel was looking away again.  
  
Dean cleared his throat again. “Look Cas, I’m sorry I’ve been so… mean… to you lately,” he said, breaking the silence and shifting nervously. “It’s just… You frustrate me, man. I know you need time, but every time you’re so close to telling me what’s bothering you, you chicken out and it’s getting kinda frustrating.”   
  
Castiel looked to the floor in shame. “I’m sorry. It is not my intention to frustrate you, Dean.”  
  
“I know it isn’t, but I just wish you’d open up to me already,” Dean said, looking at his friend with pleading eyes; hoping that the angel would finally explain to him what was going on.  
  
Castiel looked up at Dean. “Please, Dean… I can’t…” he looked away again, unable to meet Dean’s eyes any longer. “Please don’t make me talk about it… My brothers already look at me with disgust, I couldn’t bear it if you did, too.”   
  
From the sound of Castiel’s voice, Dean could tell the angel was close to breaking. It confused Dean, but even more, it scared him. It scared him a lot.  
  
“Cas, whatever you tell me won’t make me angry or disgusted,” Dean said, voice firm but still gentle. “I swear.”  
  
Castiel bit his lower lip, seemingly in conflict with himself.   
  
It almost looked as if Castiel was ready to say something, when Sam stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only sweatpants and a towel that was throw over his shoulder. Steam from the hot shower he had just taken started emerging from the bathroom, making Cas wrinkle his nose somewhat at the unfamiliar humidity.   
  
Sam stared between Cas, who was staring intently at the floor again, and Dean, who shot him an annoyed glare.  
  
“Did I interrupt something…?” Sam asked, uncertainly.  
  
Dean just growled at him and made his way over to the couch. He was relieved when he saw there were no visible stains on it.  
  
“Cas, you can take the bed. I’ll take the couch,” Dean said, preparing the couch for himself to sleep on.  
  
“Very well,” Castiel said, hesitantly, and slowly made his way towards the bed that was closest to the couch. The bed was in respectable distance from Sam’s bed as well, so Castiel felt rather safe when he lay down on it, pulling the covers over him. Sam and Dean followed his example and lay down to sleep as well.  
  


***

  
Dean woke up during the night, shifting on the narrow couch and almost fell to the floor. Damn couches, he always forgot they were narrower than beds. He stood up, still half asleep, and walked to the bathroom to relieve himself.   
  
When he emerged from the bathroom, he noticed Sam snoring in his bed over by the door. But he didn’t hear any sounds from Castiel. When his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he saw that the angel was sitting on the bed, staring back at him.   
  
Something seemed off.  
  
“Cas?” Dean asked, uncertainly.  
  
“Um, try again,” said the man on the bed, curving his lips into a small smile as he looked at Dean.  
  
Dean froze. “Jimmy?” he asked in surprise. He felt his heart clench with concern. “Why… Where is Castiel?” He swore his voice came out more concerned than he intended it to, but Jimmy didn’t seem to pay attention to that.  
  
“He’s still in here with me,” Jimmy said, putting a hand to his chest. “But I think he’s sort of… taking a break. He seems weak right now.” His brows furrowed in wonder.  
  
“Oh,” Dean said, and couldn’t help feeling relief that Cas hadn’t left again. He walked closer to Jimmy and stood by the foot of the bed; scratching his neck with his right hand. “Well, today we had a tough fight with some demons – especially Cas.”   
  
He looked towards Sam’s bed, checking if his brother was still asleep or had been woken by their conversation, but the younger man was still snoring.  
  
“So, uh, how’s he doing?” Dean asked, breaking the awkward silence between them.  
  
Jimmy looked up and met Dean’s eyes again. Even in the dark, Dean noted that his eyes were not nearly as bright and blue as Castiel’s were.  
  
“Cas? He’s doing better lately,” Jimmy said, smiling. “Though sometimes it feels like a roller coaster ride; his mood goes up and down all the time. Lately, it’s been going down again for some reason.”  
  
“He’s been feeling depressed again?” Dean asked, somewhat surprised. “Why?”  
  
Jimmy furrowed his brows. “I’m not sure. All I know is that his depression has something do with his time in Hell. …And with you.”  
  
“With me?” Dean was shocked. He had caused Castiel to feel even more depressed? Why? Had he been pushing the angel too much? He knew he’d been kinda impatient with him lately, and ignoring him in the Impala yesterday was probably not the best move he could have done.   
  
Dean felt his heart ache with guilt.  
  
“Just so you’re aware: I think Castiel is listening to what we’re saying, so you might wonna stop asking further questions,” Jimmy said, giving Dean an apologetic smile.  
  
“Oh. So you feel him then? Inside you?” he asked Jimmy; wincing at how wrong that came out. Jimmy just chuckled at his choice of words but didn’t comment on them.  
  
“Yeah, and let me tell you: it’s not comfortable. Cas makes me feel like someone captured a huge lightening and stuffed it inside me. I hope he lets me sleep again soon,” Jimmy muttered. Dean could tell that he was not happy that Cas was lying dormant and let Jimmy be in control now. He felt sorry for the guy for being caught in a situation like this.  
  
When Dean moved to lie down on the couch again, Jimmy’s voice stopped him.   
  
“Dean?”  
  
Dean turned around and saw Jimmy looking at him with a concerned look on his face. “When Cas is back, try to see if you can ease some of the pain he’s in. But please, don’t be too harsh on him.”  
  
Dean stared at Jimmy for a few seconds before he nodded his promise and crawled back onto the couch.  
  


***  
 

“Dean, damnit, wake up.”  
  
Dean stirred and opened his eyes. Sam was standing next to the couch, shaking him, trying to wake him up. “What?” Dean snapped, voice gruff from sleep.  
  
“It’s like 10am and you’re still sleeping,” Sam said, giving his brother a bitch face before walking towards the door and picked up his jacket from the chair by the window. “I’ll go to the diner to get breakfast. And just get your ass up already, jerk,” he said before leaving.  
  
“Bitch!” Dean shouted back when Sam closed the door.  
  
Dean groaned and sat up. He looked around the room, searching Cas, and saw that the angel was sitting on the edge of the bed; rubbing his temple with his fingers as if he was in pain. And it was definitely Castiel; the blue eyes confirmed it.  
  
Dean got up and walked over towards Castiel’s bed, stopping and keeping a proper distance from the angel.  
  
“Hey, Cas, you alright?” Dean asked in concern.  
  
Castiel’s eyes finally looked up at Dean. “I’m fine,” he muttered.  
  
“Yeah, and my name is Jane,” Dean said, sarcastically.   
  
Castiel moved his hand into his lap instead and looked away.   
  
“Dude, what’s wrong?”  
  
“My body aches,” Castiel said. “It’s not supposed to ache,” he muttered.  
  
Dean was taken slightly aback from that. Slowly, he walked over to the bed, and when Castiel shifted and made space for him, he sat down next to the angel. “Is it because you drained your powers? You did spend a lot of energy killing that monster off, didn’t you?”  
  
Castiel nodded. “I’m afraid it’ll leave me drained for a while.”  
  
“Hey man, don’t worry about it,” Dean smiled. “You saved our asses after all. And you kind of kicked ass.”   
  
He hadn’t meant for the last part to come out, and he mentally kicked himself for it. But he meant it; Castiel really did kick ass when he had arrived at the factory to help them. Dean had never seen him like that before, and it reminded him that even though Castiel was broken right now, he was still a bad-ass angel of the lord. He just had to find a way to pull that part of Castiel out again.  
  
Castiel turned to look at him with wide eyes, before blushing and looking back into his lap.   
  
There was silence between them for a while.  
  
“I heard everything you and Jimmy talked about last night,” Castiel suddenly said, looking at Dean. Dean tensed. “It’s not your fault that I’ve been feeling somewhat depressed lately. You’ve done a lot to help me, Dean; none of this is your fault.”  
  
“Really?” Dean said, sarcastically. “‘Cause Jimmy said it was because of me you started feeling bad again.” The memory of what Jimmy had told him the night came back to Dean and he felt the guilt rise up inside him again.   
  
“It’s not like that…”  
  
“Then what is it like then?” Dean almost snapped. The two of them stared at each other for a while until the door opened and Sam stepped into the room.  
  
“Okay, I’m back with breakfast. I didn’t buy anything for you, Cas, since you don’t usually eat…” he said. He stared between his brother and Castiel on the bed.  
  
“Great Sam, your timing is always perfect,” Dean growled and joined Sam for breakfast. Sam just frowned at him and kept staring between his brother and Cas.  
  
After eating, they decided to go and look for a new case. Castiel hadn’t left yet so Dean guessed the angel wanted to join them. They packed their stuff and went outside in the parking lot to load the Impala with their weaponry and bags and get ready to drive off.  
  
“So, Cas, you coming along?” Dean asked and closed the trunk, turning to look at the angel who was standing a few feet behind him.   
  
“If you don’t mind. I don’t know what else to do right now,” Castiel said, looking into Dean’s eyes this time.  
  
“Of course we don’t mind, you can come along.”   
  
Castiel gave Dean one of his rare smiles, though it was barely visible. But it still made Dean smile back at him.   
  
Suddenly, Castiel froze and his expression changed into one of horror.  
  
“Cas?” Dean asked in concern, taking a step closer to the angel. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Castiel stared at him, horrified expression still on his face. “I…”   
  
Suddenly the air shifted and there was a sound of fluttering wings. Several wings. Dean turned around and looked back into Zachariah’s eyes. The superior angel was standing in the parking lot with them with three other angels standing behind him, all of them dressed in suits.  
  
“What the hell?!” exclaimed Dean; instinctively moving to stand in front of Castiel, as the terrified angel flinched back at the sight of his brothers. Sam, who had been at the front of the car, quickly came around to join Dean in protecting Castiel from the other angels.  
  
“Not exactly,” Zachariah smirked, looking between the three of them.   
  
“What the fuck do you want?!” Dean snarled.  
  
“You should watch your tone, Dean,” Zachariah warned, glaring at the human in front of him. “And we’re not here for you today. I’ve had enough of wasting my time on annoying little maggots like you. We’re here for Castiel.” The angel stared at the lesser angel who was still hiding behind Dean and Sam.  
  
“For Cas?” Dean asked, somehow not really surprised.  
  
“What do you want him for?” Sam asked, glaring at Zachariah as much as his brother did.  
  
“To let him pay for his crimes,” Zachariah answered.  
  
“His _crimes_?” Dean blurted. “The only one that needs to pay for his fucking crimes is _you_!” he spat.  
  
“Me?” Zachariah chuckled. “Whatever crimes I might have done, they’re not nearly as bad as the ones that Castiel committed: rebelling, preventing our plans from coming true, killing his own brothers – among other things.” He turned to glare at Castiel again, who flinched when his glared landed on him.  
  
“And what? You’re just gonna swing by here and kill him for it?” Dean asked. The sarcasm in his voice only made Zachariah’s glare even deeper.  
  
“We’re not intending to kill him. Yet.”  
  
“God, I hope there are special places in hell for you, you heartless sons of bitches,” Dean spat.  
  
“I highly doubt that,” Zachariah said. “Grab him,” he ordered the three angels behind him. Sam and Dean barely had time to react before all three of them launched forward. Two of them grabbed Sam and Dean; preventing them from helping Cas, who was attacked by the third angel.  
  
Castiel yelped and tried to fight the third angel off, as he was trying to capture him. But he was still weakened from the fight the day before, and his opponent was a full powered angel, so Castiel knew he had little chance of fighting him.  
  
Castiel panicked as the angel was grabbing him under the arms from behind. He screamed and kicked at the angel; doing everything to resist, which only seemed to piss the other angel off. The angel moved one hand behind Castiel, and suddenly there was a snapping sound and Castiel screamed in agony; a part of his true voice making all windows in the motel tremble.  
  
“Cas!” Dean shouted in panic as he saw the angel was in trouble. He was trying to fight off the angel who was holding him, and so did Sam, but it was useless. “Damnit, let him go!” he shouted at Zachariah.   
  
“We’re not letting him go, he’s coming with us,” Zachariah said and motioned for the angel to bring Castiel over. The angel obeyed and dragged Castiel over to their superior. Castiel had stopped fighting; now he was just gasping in pain and was dragged over to his former superior like a rag doll.  
  
Zachariah grabbed Castiel by the hair, making the lesser angel looked up at him. “You really do disappoint me, Castiel. One would think that you knew your place,” he spat.   
  
Castiel made a distressed sound and was squirming to get away. Dean knew it was partly because Castiel still didn’t like physical contact.  
  
“Cas! _Cas!_ ” Dean yelled. “Damnit, leave him alone!” he shouted at Zachariah.   
  
“I already told you I have no such intentions,” Zachariah snarled.  
  
“Oh yeah?” came a familiar voice from behind. “Well, I don’t have any intentions of leaving you alone, either.”


	7. Chapter 7

Everyone turned to look at where the voice came from, and saw Gabriel standing just behind Zachariah. He looked pissed.   
  
“It can’t be—” Zachariah gasped and took a step back; staring at the archangel with wide eyes.  
  
“Yeah, that’s what they keep telling me,” Gabriel said, voice smug before his expression changed and he stared at his brother with disgust. He raised his hand and suddenly all four angels were pushed back with such force that the sound of breaking bones could be heard when they hit the ground a few feet away.   
  
Zachariah himself had been pushed directly onto the Impala’s trunk, leaving the trunk damaged and the rear window shattered from the impact.  
  
“What the hell?!” Dean accused, glaring at the archangel who just shrugged carelessly before turning his attention back to his brothers.  
  
Castiel had fallen to the ground when the angel who had held him was pushed away forcefully by Gabriel. He landed on his front before curling in on himself; gasping in pain.  
  
“Cas!” Dean exclaimed when he noticed him, immediately moving over to the hurt angel and kneeled in front of him.  
  
Castiel’s eyes widened with fear and pain as he stared at Dean, and Dean immediately withdrew his hands. Touching him right now wasn’t a good idea – Dean didn’t even know _where_ the guy was hurt.  
  
Some of the motel’s other guests had come out of their rooms, staring at the scene in shock, and some of them fled in panic. Dean could hear them talking about calling the police, but he really didn’t care about that right now.  
  
Zachariah groaned and lifted himself off of the Impala. The other angels had healed up and got up as well; immediately moving over to their boss and glared back at Gabriel, fear in their eyes.   
  
“Why are you here?” Zachariah asked. There was a flicker of fear in his voice but he stood straight in front of the archangel, trying not to reveal any signs of fear.  
  
Gabriel smirked. “I seriously doubt you need to know that where you’re going.” The archangel’s mouth curved into an evil smile before he waved his hand and all four angels were gone.   
  
Dean was still kneeling beside Castiel but keeping some distance from him, and Sam was standing a few feet away. In the background, they could hear the rest of the other motel guests panic and run off; frightened by the scene.  
  
Sam and Dean stared at the spot where the angels had disappeared from before turning to look at Gabriel.  
  
“Gabriel?” Sam said, staring at the archangel in disbelief.  
  
“Hiya Sam,” Gabriel said, smirking at the younger Winchester.  
  
“Did you… kill them?” Sam asked uncertainly.  
  
“Nah, just cleaned up the garbage,” Gabriel said, nonchalantly, with a wave of his hand. “They’re alive, but I can’t guarantee that they’re feeling happy,” he chuckled.   
  
Another pained gasp escaped from Castiel, and they all looked down at him in concern. His eyes were forced shut from the pain he was feeling, and he was a trembling mess. Something like concern flicked in Gabriel’s eyes when he looked at his brother.  
  
“Don’t just stand there! Heal him!” Dean growled at the archangel.  
  
Gabriel’s eyes landed on Dean. “I can’t.” There was resignation in his voice and his shoulders slumped.  
  
“What do you mean you can’t? You’re a fucking archangel, don’t you have the powers to heal someone?!”  
  
“What I mean is that I cannot heal this particular injury,” Gabriel said, glaring at Dean. “They broke his wings. It’s not something that I can heal – only an angel himself can heal his own wings.”  
  
“His _wings?_ Why would they injure his wings?” Sam asked, surprised.  
  
Gabriel sighed. “An angel’s wings are very sensitive, so…”  
  
Castiel’s pained sounds only became worse, and Dean could see tears in the angel’s eyes from the pain alone. “Cas…?” he asked, but the angel just continued to whimper in pain.  
  
“We should get him inside,” Gabriel said. “It’s not safe out here.” He glanced around the parking lot, which was now almost empty of people, before helping getting Castiel inside.  
  


***

  
They had moved Castiel into one of the beds. He had been struggling and yelling in pain as they had moved him; begging Dean to just let him lie there, but Dean wouldn’t let him lie out there in the cold parking lot. Cas needed a warm, soft bed, so he had no other choice but to drag the angel inside despite of his protests. Now, Castiel was lying on his stomach to avoid putting pressure on his concealed, injured wings, but he was still in much pain.  
  
“You sure you can’t do anything?” Dean asked Gabriel, as they stood next to the bed observing Castiel who was still trying to suppress his cries of agony. It broke something inside Dean to watch Cas be in so much pain and that he wasn’t able to do anything to help him.  
  
“Well, I suppose I could help him by giving him some of my own energy so he can heal his wings, but he won’t let me anywhere near him,” Gabriel said, not taking his concerned eyes away from his brother. He winced inwardly in sympathy – having your wings broken was no fun deal, Gabriel knew.   
  
“That’s your own fault,” Dean snapped. He still remembered what the archangel had done to Cas when they were trapped in TV-land, it was no wonder Cas didn’t want his older brother to be around.  
  
“Dean,” Sam said; warning in his voice.   
  
Gabriel sighed. “Do you guys mind leaving for a few minutes so I can help out Castiel?”  
  
“Uh, sure,” Sam said, dragging Dean out the door with him, ignoring Dean’s protests.   
  
When the Winchesters had left, Gabriel walked over to stand next to the bed. Castiel sensed his presence and stared up at him in fear.   
  
“Go away!” he snarled before groaning in pain again.  
  
“Cas, I’m not here to throw your around in TV-land again, I just wonna help,” Gabriel said, patiently.  
  
Castiel glared at him. He didn’t trust Gabriel one bit, but when he looked into his brother’s eyes, he saw nothing but concern and love in them. Castiel almost gasped; he hadn’t felt the love of one of his brothers for a very long time.  
  
“C’mon, just let me help you,” Gabriel said, staring at Castiel and waited for permission to help him. After a few moments of intense staring between them, Castiel broke their eye contact and sighed in defeat. Gabriel took that as permission and slowly put his hand on Castiel’s spine, just below the base of his wings.  
  
Castiel flinched when Gabriel touched him, but as soon as his brother’s grace starting flowing into him, he relaxed and accepted it. The grace would help him heal faster.   
  
“Ya know, you really should tell Dean what’s on your mind lately, Cas,” Gabriel suddenly said, breaking the silence.   
  
Castiel tensed and stared into the pillow, avoiding Gabriel’s stare. “No, it will only cause problems.”  
  
“Because you think Dean would hate you for it, is that it?” Gabriel said, sounding almost amused.  
  
“He _would_ hate me,” Castiel said in a whisper. He groaned as he felt his wings starting to heal slowly.   
  
Gabriel sighed and withdrew his hand. Castiel had enough grace now to speed up his healing. “I think you give him too little credit, bro. Just tell him already, the guy is almost exploding with concern – and frustration.” He gave Castiel one last smile and then he left, leaving Castiel alone to think about things.  
  


***

  
When Sam and Dean returned to the room, Castiel was resting and his eyes were closed. His breathing sounded normal, though sometimes it sounded almost pained. Dean supposed the wings weren’t fully healed yet. Sam left, he said he had something he wanted to look for at the library in the nearby town, but Dean knew Sam just wanted to leave him alone with Cas for a while. He was grateful for that.  
  
Dean sat down on the bed opposite from Cas’ and buried his face in his hands, sighing. He felt tired, and sitting here and listening to Castiel’s pained breathing did nothing to calm him down.  
  
“Dean…?”  
  
Dean looked up and saw Castiel’s disoriented eyes stare back at him.   
  
“Cas!” Dean got up and moved over to the angel; kneeling beside the bed. “Cas, how are you doing?” he asked, voice gentle.  
  
Castiel groaned in pain as he shifted on the bed. “Somewhat better. But it still hurts…”  
  
“Yeah, I know,” Dean muttered. His hands were resting on the edge of the bed next to Castiel. The angel had only flinched slightly when he put them there, but he did not protest, and Dean saw that as a good sign. He wanted to take the angel’s hand and stroke it soothingly, but he resisted the urge, not wanting to freak the angel out.  
  
There was a comfortable silence between them, though Castiel’s breathing was still somewhat pained. It concerned Dean.   
  
“Your wings…” Dean said, making Castiel’s eyes look at him again. “Gabriel said he transferred some grace or whatever into you to help your wings heal. When are they done healing?”  
  
“Maybe in a few hours,” Castiel replied, groaning in pain as he shifted on the bed a little to get into a more comfortable position. Dean found himself wincing in sympathy.   
  
There was silence and Castiel was looking away again. It frustrated Dean every time because Castiel never used to look away from him. In fact, the angel used to stare at him so often and all the time that it made Dean feel uncomfortable. He had hated it when Cas stared at him, but now he found himself missing the angel’s stare.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, Castiel broke it.   
  
“It only took a month…” he whispered, almost inaudible.   
  
Dean looked up in surprise and confusion. “What?”  
  
“A month,” Castiel repeated, voice low and staring into the pillow. “…Before it became too much for me… and I broke.” He muttered, grasping the pillow tightly as he struggled with the emotions that were flowing around inside him.   
  
Dean stared at him in almost shock.   
  
“Hey, you don’t need to talk about it yet if you’re not ready—“  
  
“I want to talk about it,” Castiel said. “I-I wanted to for a while but I couldn’t…”   
  
“Oh,” Dean said. So many thoughts ran through his mind, but they were interrupted when Castiel continued talking.  
  
“They used much awful tools, Dean. They could hurt me, but it wasn’t enough to kill me, and the pain drove me insane,” he said. Dean looked at him, but Castiel still didn’t look back. “And then, after a while – I don’t know how long; I lost track of time – some of the other angels came by. And they started hurting me as well…” he trailed off. He wanted to sob and cry into the pillow, but he didn’t want to break, not now and not in front of Dean.  
  
“Cas…” Dean said, in shock. So the other angels had _tortured_ Castiel in hell? What kind of angels would do that?  
  
He simply didn’t know what to say.  
  
Castiel was looking at the wall now; biting his lower lip and cutting himself completely off from Dean.   
  
“Cas…” Dean said, shifting on the floor where he was kneeling. “There is more to it, isn’t there? As to why they did that to you…”  
  
Castiel was staring at the pillow; biting his lower lip nervously.  
  
Dean moved his hand and placed it gently on Castiel’s arm. The angel flinched somewhat but didn’t shake it off. “Cas, tell me. Please.”  
  
“Dean,” Castiel said, and his voice broke. Dean’s thumb was rubbing his arm gently and soothingly, making him calm down, giving him courage.  
  
“I… I broke one of Heaven’s rules,” Castiel admitted, ashamed. Dean waited for him to continue. “It’s a rule that all angels are bound by. A few angels have broken it, and all of them were punished for it.”  
  
“Okay, so what rule are you talking about?” Dean asked, confused.  
  
Castiel was silent for a few moments; still staring at the pillow like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He was still lying on his stomach, and rested his weight on his forearms on the bed.  
  
“I think it’s a rule you’re familiar with…” Castiel said. “Angels are not allowed to feel emotions… they cloud our judgment, but…”  
  
“You started feeling emotions, didn’t you?” Dean said, somewhat surprised and yet not.   
  
Castiel nodded slightly.  
  
“So the angels are pissed because you started feeling emotions? That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard for being angry at someone,” Dean huffed.   
  
“That’s how the rules are in Heaven, Dean. There is nothing to do about it.”  
  
“So you started feeling emotions and they got pissed and want to kill you for it?” Dean was feeling somewhat confused now.  
  
“I… Yes, but there was one particular emotion they do certainly not accept.”  
  
Dean frowned at him. A particular emotion that would make the angels angry?  
  
Oh.  
  
When Castiel turned to look at him in shame, Dean knew.   
  
It was love.   
  
Falling in love with humans and desiring them was a taboo for angels, everyone knew that. And the angels who did fall in love were hunted down and killed by their brothers.   
  
Dean didn’t know what to say to that. Cas was in love with him, and his brothers highly disapproved of it, looking at him with disgust and seeking to hurt and kill him for his disobedience. It hit Dean like a bowl of cold water. Why hadn’t he noticed the angel’s feelings before?  
  
Castiel noticed the way Dean was staring in shock, and knew Dean had figured it out. But the lack of proper reaction from Dean concerned him. He knew he was going to be rejected; he had known that from the beginning, but the pain of thinking about the up-coming rejection was no less painful because of that.  
  
“Cas, I…” Dean trailed off.  
  
“You should leave,” Castiel said, cutting Dean off before he could say anything else. “Please, just go. I want to be alone…”  
  
“Cas, I’m not going anywhere! Why the hell would I! You—”  
  
“Please, just go…” Castiel’s eyes were turning watery and he couldn’t look at Dean. Dean stared at the angel for a moment, deciding whether he should leave or not. He decided to stay.  
  
“Cas, I’m not leaving or rejecting you, if that’s what you think,” Dean said, voice gentle even though he was getting a bit impatient with the angel. Castiel didn’t look at him, and Dean knew the angel didn’t believe him. He rose from his position next to the bed and kicked off his shoes before climbing onto the bed.  
  
Castiel’s eyes widened when Dean climbed onto the bed, and tried to move away. But Dean gently grabbed him and drew him in for an embrace, and Castiel found himself with his head resting against Dean’s chest while the man was leaning against the headboard. Dean carefully avoided touching the place where Castiel’s injured wings were, but instead wrapped his arms around the angel’s lower back.  
  
“Cas, you’re such an idiot, you know that?” Dean mumbled. Cas whimpered against him and he soothingly started rubbing his back under the shoulder blades. “If you had told me about this sooner, things would have been so much easier.”  
  
He knew this was pretty girly, and Dean never, _ever_ , did girly things. But with Cas it seemed… well, not natural, but it didn’t feel wrong either. And it was giving the angel comfort; he knew that by the way Cas started to relax against him, so it was worth it. As long as Sammy didn’t decide to pop in and ruin the moment like he had a habit of doing lately.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, voice gruff from trying to hold back all the emotions inside him right now.  
  
“Jeez, Cas, it’s okay,” Dean said, rubbing the angel’s lower back and felt him almost melt into him in response.   
  
“You’re not rejecting me then?” Castiel asked, uncertainly, raising his head from Dean’s chest to look up at him.  
  
Dean froze. “Cas, I… it’s not like I don’t like you too, ‘cause I do like you, but… I’m just having a hard time accepting those feelings or whatever. I mean, you’re a guy – well, angel – and I don’t usually fall in love with guys,” he said, chuckling somewhat.   
  
Castiel’s expression softened and he lay his head back on Dean’s chest. “I understand.”  
  
“Good,” Dean said, awkwardly.  
  
Castiel started snuggling up against him, almost uncertainly, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to, and Dean tightened his arms around him, silently giving him permission. He was still resting against the headboard, which was slightly uncomfortable if it wasn’t for the pillow behind his back.  
  
“Cas?”  
  
“Mhmm?” Castiel answered from somewhere under Dean’s chin.  
  
“If you tell Sammy about this, you’re dead,” Dean mumbled as he slid down the headboard and lay down properly on the bed next to the angel, who snuggled up against him once again. He felt Cas smile against him.  
  
“I won’t.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
And then they both closed their eyes and let sleep take over.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean woke from his nap a few hours later, turning in the bed to get more comfortable. He was still half asleep, but he could feel the coldness in the motel room which made him shiver. He felt something warm and solid next to him, and snuggled closer to it go get warmer. The body he was snuggling up against tensed, and only then did Dean remember that it was _Cas_ he was lying next to.   
  
Dean’s eyes shut open and he quickly drew away from the angel. “Shit, I’m sorry!” he blurted; afraid he might have somehow hurt Cas by getting so close into his personal space.  
  
But Castiel just stared at him in surprise before his expression softened. “It’s okay, Dean. My wings are healed, so you didn’t hurt me,” he said.  
  
“Oh,” Dean said, feeling relieved. “But still, I got into your personal space way too much…”  
  
“I don’t mind it when it’s you,” Castiel told him, honestly, and it made Dean blush slightly. He lay his head down on the pillow and stared into Cas’ eyes for a while. Neither of them said anything, they just enjoyed each other’s warmth.   
  
Dean didn’t know how it happened, but they most have unconsciously moved closer to each other, and their foreheads were touching as they stared into the other’s eyes.  
  
“Cas?” Dean asked, voice coming out gruffer than he expected. The angel’s eyes focused on his, telling Dean he had the angel’s attention. “I’m glad you told me what was wrong. I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you lately.”  
  
“Your frustration with me is understandable,” Castiel said, lips curving into a small smile. He broke their eye contact and stared at Dean’s clothed chest. “I’m sorry I put you through so much suffering, it was not my intention. I just…” he trailed off.  
  
“Hey,” Dean said, gently pulling Castiel closer to him. He cupped the angel’s chin and made him look up at him again. The blue eyes looked pained, reflecting how bad the angel felt about what he had put Dean through.   
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said, gently. “I know it was hard and that you needed time. I admit I was pissed at you a few times, but that’s over now. Can’t we just forget about that, just for now?”  
  
Castiel stared at him for a few moments before he nodded in agreement. Dean smiled and released his chin, moving his hand up Castiel’s cheek and the angel shivered at the gesture; letting his eyes close.   
  
Castiel was being so full of trust right now that it made Dean’s heart ache. He couldn’t help but stare at how Castiel’s soft-looking lips parted and let out a silent moan. He wanted to kiss Castiel right then, but he hesitated. This was not what the angel needed right now, and Dean didn’t want to ruin this moment of trust. But god, those lips looked so inviting.  
  
Suddenly the door was opened and Sam stepped inside. “Hey guys, you still alive?” He froze when he saw them on the bed, sharing something that seemed to be very intimate.  
  
Dean and Castiel pulled apart abruptly, and Dean glared up at his brother, who was still standing frozen in the doorway. “Jesus, don’t just burst in like that!” he snapped. He sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes. Castiel turned around to stare at the intruder who was Sam.  
  
“Uh, sorry,” Sam said, still somewhat shocked. Then his lips curved into a knowing smirk. “Did I interrupt something?”  
  
“No! Not at all,” Dean blurted, feelings his cheeks flush. Castiel looked away and flushed as well.  
  
“Hey guys! Well rested and healthy?” Gabriel said as he suddenly walked in the door, which Sam had left open. He gave one wave of his hand and then the door closed.  
  
“Jeez, this isn’t a fucking conference room! Why is everybody showing up in here?!” Dean growled. He stood up from the bed and put on his abandoned shoes again. Castiel followed his example and got up as well.  
  
“Because it isn’t every day you see the two of your snuggling up in bed together,” Gabriel smirked knowingly.  
  
Dean’s jaw dropped. “Dude! We did not _snuggle_!”  
  
“Deny it all you want, big boy, but I think both Sammy and I know you’re a bad liar,” Gabriel said, mockingly.   
  
“Yeah, whatever,” Dean mumbled. “Wonna tell us why you just storm into the room like that?”  
  
“Well, I came here to talk to Cas, actually,” Gabriel said, turning his gaze to his brother. Castiel tilted his head and stared at Gabriel.  
  
“With Cas? His wings already healed, what do you wonna talk with him about?” Dean asked, frowning as he stared between Cas and Gabriel.  
  
“Well, since the two of you seem to be kind of intimate already—” Gabriel stopped Dean’s embarrassed protest by holding up his hand before he continued, “—I have a proposition that will you help you gain more… well, freedom.”  
  
“What kind of proposition?” Castiel asked.  
  
“Well, it requires that you have to go outside with me for a minute,” Gabriel said. “Alone,” he added, and glanced over at Dean.   
  
“You wonna talk with Cas alone?” Dean asked. “No fucking way; I ain’t letting you alone with Cas for one second—“  
  
“Dean,” Castiel said, and Dean immediately kept quiet and looked at Cas in confusion. “It’s alright, I… I don’t think Gabriel has anything bad in mind.”  
  
“Cas…” Dean said; not liking the idea of Cas being alone with the archangel. Not when Cas was just starting to feel better. He couldn’t have Gabriel hurt him, not ever.   
  
But Castiel had already made his decision, so Dean had to stand back and watch him disappear outside with Gabriel, leaving him alone in the motel room with Sam.   
  
“He’ll be alright, Dean,” Sam said, moving closer to his brother to reassure him. “I don’t think Gabriel has the heart to hurt Cas anymore.”  
  
“He better not,” Dean said behind clenched teeth as he stood waiting for them to return.  
  
A bright, white light and the true voice of an angel from outside the room alerted Dean, who was already aiming at the door before Sam’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.  
  
“Dean, wait!”  
  
“What? Let me go, Sam!” Dean snapped; glaring angrily at his brother and desperate to get to the door. The suddenly the light and the noise was gone, as if it was never there. “The fuck…”  
  
Sam and Dean stepped back when the door was opened; revealing Gabriel, Cas and… wait, two Cas’es?!  
  
There, in the door, were two Cas’es – or Jimmys – and Dean’s mouth dropped. Surely he hadn’t hit his head lately?  
  
Gabriel was smirking at Dean, who was still staring in disbelief at the two identical figures in the room. “Easy Dean, you’re not imagining things. It’s just Cas and Jimmy.”  
  
“Wait. Cas and Jimmy?” Sam asked, staring in shock at the two.  
  
“I figured it’d be easier for Dean and my bro to start ‘new things’ if they are alone. So I made a new body for Cas and let Jimmy keep his own,” Gabriel said with a shrug.  
  
Suddenly it made sense to Dean, who now suddenly noticed that even though the two people were identical, they were very different. One was more openly staring around the room and smiling, while the other seemed more reserved and was staring at the floor like he had a habit of doing lately.   
  
“For which I am quite grateful, thank you,” Jimmy smirked.  
  
“Jimmy? Wow, hadn’t expected seeing you around again,” Sam said, still staring at the man in surprise and disbelief.   
  
Jimmy chuckled. “I know, me neither. Feel good to be free again.” He looked at Castiel and added, “no offense.”  
  
Castiel turned to look at Jimmy, and the tiniest smirk formed on his lips. “None taken.”  
  
“So,” Gabriel said, gaining everyone’s attention. “We should get you home then,” he said, looking at Jimmy who simply nodded.  
  
“It was good meeting all of you, though I almost have no memories of being with you,” Jimmy grinned.  
  
“Yeah well, you too,” Dean said, feeling slightly awkward about the whole situation.  
  
When Jimmy had said his good byes to everyone, he turned to face Castiel, who lifted his eyes from the floor to look back at him. “I haven’t always been happy to be your vessel, but I am happy that you’re doing better. I hope you and Dean will be happy together.”  
  
Both Dean and Castiel blushed at that, and Dean smacked Sam’s arm when his brother grinned at him.   
  
“Thank you, Jimmy,” Castiel said, blushing with embarrassment.  
  
Jimmy chuckled and let Gabriel sent him home to his family.   
  
When Jimmy was gone, Dean walked over to Castiel who looked at him with blue eyes that lit up when he came over. He wrapped his hands gently around the angel’s waist, and smiled when Castiel didn’t flinch away from his touch anymore.   
  
“Yeah okay, I’m leaving the room,” Sam said, and hurried out the door.  
  
Gabriel chuckled as the younger Winchester hurried out of the room. “Well, have fun, guys,” he said.  
  
“Fuck off, Gabriel,” Dean said, though he didn’t move away from Castiel and didn’t bother looking over at the archangel. Gabriel just laughed and disappeared in a flutter of wings.  
  
“Dean?” Castiel said, concerned, after they had been standing forehead to forehead for a while and Dean hadn’t said anything. Dean’s hands tightened around his waist and drew him closer. Castiel was surprised at how easily his body allowed itself to be closer to Dean’s.  
  
“Jesus, Cas,” Dean sighed; weeks of exhaustion and frustration finally reaching an end. “I’m just so happy you’re feeling better now.”  
  
“As am I.”  
  
Dean suddenly felt so tired. He had spent weeks staying awake at night for hours worrying about Cas, and he hadn’t gotten more than 4 hours sleep each night. He was exhausted.  
  
“C’mon, let’s lay down again,” he said, dragging Cas over to the bed. Castiel followed without protest and rested his head on Dean’s chest when they got settled in the bed. Their shoes and Cas’ coat and jacket lay abandoned on the floor.  
  
Dean started moving his hand up and down Castiel’s back, absently. He almost didn’t notice the small whimper Castiel gave when he reached his shoulder blades.  
  
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Dean said, immediately removing his hand.  
  
Castiel stared up at him and blinked a few times. “It’s alright, Dean. My wings are healed.”  
  
“Yeah, but aren’t they kinda sensitive?”  
  
“Yes, but you are not exactly touching them. Only the place where they are hidden,” Castiel explained and leaned closer to Dean.   
  
“And… you’re okay with that?” Dean asked, uncertainly.  
  
Castiel looked up at him from where his head was resting on his chest. “Yes, Dean, I’m okay with this.”  
  
Dean was relieved he hadn’t hurt Cas or crossed a line with him. He let his hand slowly stroke over the sensitive shoulder blades once again, making Castiel shudder and tighten his grip on Dean with the hand he had dragged over Dean’s side. All his reservations about Cas being a guy faded away and it was the tiny, satisfied moan that escaped the angel’s lips that made Dean continue stroking, and paying extra attention to the sensitive spots.   
  
Castiel’s breathing changed, it was faster now, and he shifted himself so that he was practically straddling Dean with his face buried in Dean’s neck, and their chests and groins touching.  
  
At the first contact of their groins, Dean let out a moan that would normally have been very embarrassing. Then suddenly he became aware of what was happening, and moved his hands to Castiel’s biceps, forcing the angel to lean back and look at him.  
  
Castiel looked back at him in confusion; pupils dilated with lust.  
  
“Cas… Shit, not like I’m not enjoying this, but I don’t wonna take this too far if you’re not ready. It’s too soon, and you just—“  
  
“Dean,” Cas interrupted him. “I want this. I want to know what it’s like when your body feels good.”  
  
Castiel was looking at him with such honesty and trust that Dean’s heart almost ached. What had he ever done to deserve this?  
  
“Don’t think that,” Castiel said.  
  
Dean frowned up at him. “Dude, are you reading my thoughts?”  
  
“No, I don’t need to; I know what you look like when you think like that,” Castiel explained. “You shouldn’t think you don’t deserve to be trusted.”  
  
He leaned down and nuzzled Dean’s cheek and ear. “I trust you with all my being,” he whispered.  
  
“Cas…” Dean began, but Castiel cut him off by pressing his lips softly against Dean’s.   
  
Dean’s eyes widened in surprise, but then he kissed back, first softly then harder; feeling Castiel mimic his movements with his lips. He was a fast learner, Dean noticed. His hips bucked up, involuntarily, against Castiel’s, and both groaned into each other’s mouth at the friction it caused. The angel was already as hard as Dean was himself.  
  
Dean’s hands went back to caressing Cas’ shoulder blades, and the angel all but whined this time. His back arched, and next time Dean’s hands moved over the shoulder blades, they were met with softness. Dean’s eyes flew open and he stared up at Castiel’s bright, white wings. He was about to open his mouth and say something when Cas’ mouth moved to his neck and started licking and sucking. The angel was almost going mad above him; attacking his neck with kisses and sucking, and rutting their groins together.   
  
It was probably the hottest things Dean had ever experienced.  
  
When he finally let his hands meet the feathers and bury them in them, Cas whined into his neck and leaned his wings into the contact. The wings were just as magnificent as the last time he saw them, back when he helped Cas with a dislocated wing.   
  
“Shit Cas, I’m not gonna last long…” Dean said, bucking his hips up into Cas’.   
  
“Dean…” came Castiel’s broken reply. “I—“ his sentence was cut off when his climax hit him; his back arching, his eyes clenched shut in pleasure and his lips parted in a silent moan as he kept rutting against Dean’s hips. The sight alone made Dean come as well, in his pants. Jesus, they hadn’t even gotten their clothes off yet. Dean still had the feeling Cas wanted to wait a bit with that so he didn’t complain about it.  
  
When it was over, Castiel collapsed against Dean; his huge wings falling down to either side of him as he lay there, trying to catch his breath again. Dean had expected him to be heavy, but the angel was much lighter than expected. Still, he was grateful when Castiel pushed himself off of him and lay back down beside him; wings disappearing from sight as he moved to rest his head on Dean’s chest and dragged an arm around his torso.  
  
“Shit, Cas, that was…”  
  
“Mhmm.”  
  
“Can you… you know…” Dean asked, making a gesture to their groins. After a second he felt the wetness in his pants disappear, and he sighed in relief. Come in your pants wasn’t the nicest feeling after all.  
  
“Cas, you’re awesome,” Dean grinned, tightening his arm that was placed possessively around Castiel’s waist. He felt the angel smile against his chest before he lifted his head and met Dean’s eyes.  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
Dean dragged his angel into another kiss and felt him go willingly.   
  
“Dean?” Castiel asked when they pulled apart, looking into Dean’s eyes.  
  
“Yeah, Cas?”  
  
“Can I… Can I stay with you? Forever?” he asked, biting his lower lip as he stared with hopefulness into the hunter’s eyes.  
  
Dean was taken a little aback by that, but then his face lit up into one of the brightest smiles Cas had ever seen on him. “Yes, Cas, you can stay with me. Forever.”  
  
Castiel smiled back at him before he lay down to rest again.  
  
He knew Dean would be there for him if he ever felt sad again.

 

FIN


End file.
